


Codename: 3-mEme

by CanineR7A7



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bully Okajima hours, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Even when he isn't a bf, Everyone Loves Nagisa, Fluff, He isn't aware of that though, Karma is a protective bf, Like all the hugs, Nagisa Shiota needs a hug, Nagisa has low self-esteem, Nagisa stop, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Sleep deprived Nagisa is a gremlin, You're scaring them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 21,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25116172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanineR7A7/pseuds/CanineR7A7
Summary: Class 3-E create a chatroom to avoid Korosensei listening to their “gossip”. Too bad they didn’t consider just how chaotic some of them could be.
Relationships: Akabane Karma/Shiota Nagisa, Asano Gakushuu/Shiota Nagisa, Chiba Ryuunosuke/Hayami Rinka, Isogai Yuuma/Shiota Nagisa, Kanzaki Yukiko/Sugino Tomohito, Nakamura Rio & Shiota Nagisa, Shiota Nagisa & Hayami Rinka, Shiota Nagisa & Kanzaki Yukiko, Shiota Nagisa/Chiba Ryuunosuke
Comments: 216
Kudos: 872





	1. Roll Call

**Author's Note:**

> Okajima what did you do?

**[Okajima Taiga] created [3-mEme]**

**[Okajima Taiga] added 15+ users to [3-mEme]**

**[Okajima Taiga] changed [Akabane Karma] to [Semi-Senioritis]**

**[Okajima Taiga] changed [Isogai Yuma] to [President Poverty]**

**[Okajima Taiga] changed [Okajima Taiga] to [End of Perversion]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Okano Hinata] to [Amazing Ape]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Okuda Manami] to [Poison Specs]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Kataoka Megu] to [Dignified Didact]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Kayano Kaede] to [Forever Flat]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Kanzaki Yukiko] to [Mistress Kanzaki]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Kimura Masayoshi] to [Justice]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Kurahashi Hinano] to [Fluffy Stag Beetle]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Shiota Nagisa] to [Gender]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Sugaya Sosuke] to [Lanky Artist]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Sugino Tomohito] to [Baseball Geek]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Takebayahi Kotaro] to [Specs(LOL)]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Chiba Ryunosuke] to [Dating Sim Protagonist]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Terasaka Ryoma] to [Pseudo-Takaoka]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Nakamura Rio] to [English Lass]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Hazama Kirara] to [Darkness of 3-E]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Hayami Rinka] to [Bipolar Sniper]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Hara Sumire] to [Kunugigaoka’s Mom]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Fuwa Yuzuki] to [This Manga Is Amazing!]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Maehara Hiroto] to [Womanizing Scumbag]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Mimura Koki] to [Director Mushroom]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Muramatsu Takuya] to [Loofah]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Yada Toka] to [Scrunchies]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Yoshida Taisei] to [Home Base]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Ritsu] to [Box O’ Moe]**

**[End of Perversion] changed [Horibe Itona] to [Picture Book Graduate]**

**End of Perversion:** that took longer than I thought it would

**English Lass:** oh nice a chatroom

**Forever Flat:** huh, why didn’t we think of this sooner?

**Forever Flat:** wait….

**Forever Flat:** OKAJIMA!!!!!!!!!

**End of Perversion:** I just used the codenames!! I’m not the one who named you that

**Forever Flat:** you have 5 seconds to tell me who did

**End of Perversion: _@Loofah_**

****

**Loofah:** huh?

**Forever Flat:** Thank you.

**End of Perversion:** Why am I scared?

**Loofah:** probably the same reason as me

**Forever Flat: _@Gender_**

****

**Gender:** huh?

**Forever Flat:** read up

**Gender:** Okajima, Muramatsu…

**End of Perversion:** shit

**Loofah:** we’re dead

**English Lass:** Nagisa won’t actually hurt them right?

**Semi-Senioritis:** nah, they’re dead

**English Lass:** you’re strangely calm about that

**Baseball Geek:** a cinnamon roll he may be, but if Nagisa decides someone needs to be taught a lesson there’s no stopping him

**Semi-Senioritis:** yeah, what he said

**[End of Perversion] has gone offline**

**[Loofah] has gone offline**

**Bipolar Sniper:** wow, he actually killed them

**Forever Flat:** That’s my best friend right there, thanks Nagisa

**Gender:** you’re welcome

**Semi-Senioritis:** wait, he’s _my_ best friend

**Baseball Geek:** no I think you’ll find he’s my best friend

**Gender:** uhhhh, guys?

**English Lass:** just leave them to it ‘Gisa. We all know you’re my best friend.

**Semi-Senioritis:** TRAITOR

**Forever Flat:** BITCH you thought

**Baseball Geek:** hey! Back off

**This Manga Is Amazing!:** things are heating up in the Nagisa fandom

**Gender:** the what???

**This Manga Is Amazing!:** don’t worry about it

**Gender:** okay???

**This Manga Is Amazing!:** uh, my name’s too long

**[This Manga Is Amazing!] changed [This Manga Is Amazing!] to [Manga]**

**Manga:** that’s better

**Mistress Kanzaki:** Is anyone else slightly concerned about what happened to our classmates?

**Justice:** I’m sure they’re fine

**Poison Specs:** Yeah, Nagisa wouldn’t _actually_ kill anyone right?

**Gender:** sure, let’s go with that

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** _THIS ONE DOES NOT SPARK JOY_

**Gender:** :)

**Darkness of 3-E:** ominous

**Lanky Artist:** can you not?!

**Gender:** oh, before I forget…

**[Gender] changed [Forever Flat] to [Bunny]**

**English Lass:** why ‘Bunny’?

**Gender:** eh, I’m not good at coming up with names and she mentioned liking them once

**Gender:** that and I don’t trust you Karma or Okajima to come up with something

**Bunny:** aaw, thanks Nagisa

**Gender:** you’re welcome

**[End of Perversion] is online**

**End of Perversion:** I lived!

**Darkness of 3-E:** unfortunate

**End of Perversion:** what do you mean “unfortunate”?

**End of Perversion:** you didn’t actually want me to die right?

**Bunny:** is that a serious question?

**End of Perversion:** was the name really that bad?

**Bunny:** …

**Bunny: _@Gender_**

****

**End of Perversion:** NO WIAT PLEASE

**English Lass:** wiat

**Semi-Senioritis:** wiat

**Bunny:** fine, you can live

**End of Perversion:** phew

**Bunny:** for now

**End of Perversion:** wait what?!!!

**Bunny:** nothing

**English Lass:** what did ‘Gisa even do to you?

**Gender:** nothing, right Okajima? :)

**End of Perversion:** uhhh, yeah, what he said

**Picture Book Graduate:** Why does Okajima look like he just met Satan?

**Bunny:** read up

**Picture Book Graduate:** ah, it seems I was mistaken

**Picture Book Graduate:** Nagisa truly is the strongest in the class

**Gender:** afjkdjkgjkgfjkga

**English Lass:** you broke him

**Picture Book Graduate:**???

**Semi-Senioritis:** lemme educate you

**Picture Book Graduate:** okay?

**Gender:** Karma no

**Semi-Senioritis:** Nagisa here isn’t used to compliments, low self-esteem and all that

**Gender:** sleep with one eye open Akabane

**Semi-Senioritis:** I’m shaking here

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** Wait, who’s not used to compliments?

**Gender:** no one

**Semi-Senioritis:** Nagisa

**Gender:** KARMA

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** That won’t stand.

**Bunny:** agreed!

**Gender:** oh no

**Gender:** Karma what did you do?

**Semi-Senioritis:** yw

**Gender:** I will end you

**Semi-Senioritis:** no you won’t

**Gender:** wanna bet?

**Dignified Didact:** Can you not threaten to kill your classmates for five minutes?

**Gender:** sorry

**Darkness of 3-E:** Hey, a little murder never hurt anybody

**Dignified Didact:** Well I tried, good luck Karma.

**Semi-Senioritis:** thanks

**[Loofah] is online**

**Gender:** I’ll only kill him a little

**[Loofah] has gone offline**

**Justice:** Hey? Yeah, remember when we all thought Nagisa was innocent? What happened to that?

**Gender:** :3

**Baseball Geek:** apparently he has an alter ego that only shows up online

**Semi-Senioritis:** oh yeah, he’s always been like that

**Gender:** can you stop?

**Semi-Senioritis:** what happened to killing me?

**Gender:** that can still happen

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** hmmm, don’t like that

**Gender:** :,(

**Bunny:** you made him sad!

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** I’m sorry!!!! Pls don’t be sad

**Gender:** :)

**Darkness of 3-E:** ominous

**Lanky Artist:** that’s not helping!!

**Poison Specs:** Guys! Class is starting

**15+ users have gone offline**

**[Loofah] is online**

**Loofah:** is it safe yet?

**Loofah:** hello?

**Loofah:** Guys?

**Loofah:** okay then

**[Loofah] has gone offline**


	2. Nagisa Protection Club Origins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I messed with the timeline a bit (hey, the “Canon Divergence” tag exists for a reason). A question is asked, the class don’t know what to make of Nagisa’s answer.

**[3-mEme]**

**Darkness of 3-E:** anyone else thought about how they’ll die?

**Loofah:** …

**End the Perversion:** wtf

**Darkness of 3-E:** humour me for a bit

**End the Perversion:** and if we don’t?

**Darkness of 3-E:** I have Nagisa on speed-dial

**Loofah:** …what

**End the Perversion:** you’re bluffing

**Darkness of 3-E:** wanna test that theory?

**End the Perversion:** no

**Darkness of 3-E:** that’s what I thought

**Loofah:** why are you asking about death?

**Darkness of 3-E:** you do know who you’re talking to right?

**Loofah:** right…

**Darkness of 3-E:** I’ll ask again, anyone else thought about how they’ll die?

**Semi-Senioritis:** epically

**Loofah:** are you kidding? That’s not a real answer

**Gender:** it is if you’re Karma

**Semi-Senioritis:** see, he gets it

**Loofah:** fairly sure he’s the only one who understands you but sure

**Darkness of 3-E:** more answers please

**President Poverty:** starvation

**Gender:** …

**Bunny:** …

**Poison Specs:** …

**President Poverty:** well, you did ask

**Darkness of 3-E:** that I did

**End of Perversion:** as much as I’d like to say I’d go out with a blast, one of the girls or Nagisa will probably kill me before that.

**Darkness of 3-E:** accurate

**Gender:** :)

**Bunny:** :)

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** can you stop with that?

**Amazing Ape:** can I go with the normal answer of ‘old age’?

**Darkness of 3-E:** if you want to be boring, sure

**Poison Specs:** I’ll go with old age too please

**Dignified Didact:** Same

**Bunny:** hmmm, never really thought about it

**Darkness of 3-E:** just answer the question

**Bunny:** I’ll probably stick with old age but I’ll let you know if that changes

**Gender:** it better not

**English Lass:** and the class cinnamon roll strikes again

**Gender:** huh?

**Semi-Senioritis:** don’t worry about it

**Gender:** okay???

**Mistress Kanzaki:** I’ll go with old age as well

**Darkness of 3-E:** why are y’all so boring?

**Justice:** knowing my luck I’d probably be killed by a cold or something

**Darkness of 3-E:** damn, at least make something up guys

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** I’ll probably get bit by a snake or something

**English Lass:** hey now, Nagisa wouldn’t do that

**Gender:** how are we friends again?

**English Lass:** you know you love me

**Gender:** x doubt

**Lanky Artist:** eh, I’m sticking with the old age trend

**Darkness of 3-E:** *sigh*

**English Lass:** did you really just sigh while you typed that?

**Darkness of 3-E:** so what if I did mortal

**Baseball Geek:** This just in, local student comes out as immortal

**Darkness of 3-E:** and what of it?

**Baseball Geek:** ah, nothing

**Semi-Senioritis:** c’mon Sugino, answer the question

**Baseball Geek:** probably the old age thing, but I’m not ruling potential injuries out either.

**Darkness of 3-E:** interesting

**Specs(LOL):** hmmm, I’m surprised only one person has mentioned an illness.

**Darkness of 3-E:** is that your answer?

**Specs(LOL):** Yes.

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** old age

**Darkness of 3-E:** seriously why is everyone giving boring answers.

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** I’m a sniper; do you really think anyone could get close enough to kill me?

**End of Perversion:** you do realise Nagisa exists right?

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** …

**Gender:** :)

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** let me rephrase that

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** no one who _could_ kill me wants me dead

**Darkness of 3-E:** fair enough I guess

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** old age

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** …

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** WHO THE FUCK DID THIS???

**Bunny: _@End of Perversion @Semi-Senioritis_**

****

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** YOU TWO ARE FUCKING DEAD!!!

**End of Perversion:** NO PLEASE

**End of Perversion:** I ONLY JUST SURVIVED LAST TIME

**Semi-Senioritis:** as if you could kill me

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** YOU WANT TO BET ASSHOLE???

**English Lass:** eh, old age or a sniper, I’m not picky

**Darkness of 3-E:** that’s a dangerous line you’re walking, you sure you want to risk it?

**English Lass:** oh honey, “Danger” is my middle name

**Baseball Geek:** nah, that’s Nagisa

**English Lass:** shit u rite

**Gender:** >:3

**Baseball Freak:** how is it that someone so cute can be so terrifying at the same time?

**Bunny:** yes

**Gender:** asdfjhjfaj

**Gender:** cute?

**English Lass:** sweetie, you’re cute, we’ve been over this

**Gender:** I am not cute

**Bunny:** you are

**English Lass:** you are

**Darkness of 3-E:** to answer my own question

**Darkness of 3-E:** I’ll probably end up cursing myself at some point

**Bipolar Sniper:** same as Chiba

**Semi-Senioritis:** so you admit Nagisa could kill you?

**Bipolar Sniper:** in all honesty, he’s capable of killing all of us and we’d probably thank him for it

**Gender:** I’m not that bad am I?

**Bipolar Sniper:** I don’t think you _would_ actually kill us, but it’s definitely within your capabilities.

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** old age

**Manga:** know what? let’s go with stabbing, no one’s said that yet

**Mistress Kanzaki:** …

**Manga:** I don’t actually think that but I wanted to put something different XD

**Womanizing Scumbag:** I’ll probably end up getting killed by some guy for hitting on his girlfriend

**Baseball Geek:** that’s oddly specific

**End of Perversion:** it almost happened

**Womanizing Scumbag:** OKAJIMA

**Director Mushroom:** old age

**Loofah:** Nagisa

**Darkness of 3-E:** Nagisa?

**Loofah:** did I stutter?

**Darkness of 3-E: _@Gender_**

****

**Loofah:** SORRY PLS DON’T KILL ME

**Gender:** …

**Darkness of 3-E:** I shall allow him to live

**Gender:** okay???

**Scrunchies:** old age

**Home Base:** old age

**Box O’ Moe:** I’m not technically “alive” do I still need to answer?

**Darkness of 3-E:** eh, go for it

**Box O’ Moe:** A virus won’t do much damage to my main server, so I assume a natural disaster will be the most likely cause.

**Picture Book Graduate:** I will go out in a blaze of glory

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** bullshit, you’ll piss off the wrong people

**Picture Book Graduate:** unfortunately that is more likely

**English Lass:** hey wait! Nagisa didn’t answer

**Bunny:** oh come on, you really think anyone can kill him? He’ll die of old age

**Gender:** bold of you to assume I’ll live that long

**Mistress Kanzaki:** …

**Baseball Freak:** …

**Manga:** hey op, what’s that mean?

**[Gender] has gone offline**

**Manga: _@Gender_** HEY OP WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

**Darkness of 3-E:** ominous

**Loofah:** can you quit saying that already?

**Darkness of 3-E:** suffer


	3. Teacher Invasion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ritsu adds the teachers to the chat; Nagisa continues to worry his friends.

**[3-mEme]**

**[Box O’ Moe] kicked [Gender] from [3-mEme]**

**Box O’ Moe: _@Everyone_**

****

**Bunny:** Ritsu? Why did you kick Nagisa?

**Box O’ Moe:** Some of the messages Nagisa has been sending are concerning. I was considering adding the teachers in case something happened.

**Mistress Kanzaki:** that is a good idea, but why did you kick him?

**Box O’ Moe:** That way we can explain what’s going on and come up with a cover story without him realising.

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** anyone have anything against it?

**Baseball Geek:** I don’t think anyone would complain.

**[Box O’ Moe] added 3 users to [3-mEme]**

**[Box O’ Moe] changed [Karasuma Tadaomi] to [Da Densest]**

**[Box O’ Moe] changed [Irina Jelavi** **ć** **] to [Bitch-Sensei]**

**[Box O’ Moe] changed [Korosensei] to [Octopus]**

**Octopus:** ooo, a chatroom

**Bitch-Sensei:** Oh great, as if I don’t spend enough time with you brats already.

**Bitch-Sensei:** …

**Bitch-Sensei:** OH COME ON DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO CALL ME THAT ALL THE TIME?!

**Semi-Senioritis:** oh wow, 5 seconds

**Semi-Senioritis:** that’s a new record

**Bitch-Sensei:** SHUT IT

**Da Densest:** Why have you added us to this?

**Box O’ Moe:** We have some concerns regarding one of our classmates.

**Octopus:**???

**Bunny:** read up

**Octopus:** …

**Da Densest:** …

**Bitch-Sensei:** …

**Octopus:** this is troubling

**Box O’ Moe:** I’m going to add him back before he suspects something, let me handle the cover story.

**Da Densest:** That’s fine.

**[Box O’ Moe] deleted 24 messages**

**[Box O’ Moe] added [Shiota Nagisa] to [3-mEme]**

**[Box O’ Moe] changed [Shiota Nagisa] to [Gender]**

**Gender:** huh? What just happened?

**Box O’ Moe:** Apologies, I was running some self-maintenance and it caused a minor glitch in the chatroom.

**Gender:** okay

**Baseball Geek:** hey Nagisa, wanna hang out after school tomorrow? I want to work on my throwing a bit more

**Gender:** sorry I can’t

**Baseball Geek:** oh, no worries, just let me know when you can hang out?

**Gender:** sure

**English Lass:** come to think of it, you don’t really hang out with us much after school

**Gender:** I know, it’s not because I don’t want to

**Gender:** I just can’t

**Bunny:** everything’s okay right?

**Gender:** yeah, don’t worry

**English Lass:** how about we worry anyway?

**Gender:** everything’s fine, really

**Semi-Senioritis:** back off a little, he’ll tell us if something happens

**Gender:** thanks Karma

**Semi-Senioritis:** and if not we can just kidnap him

**Gender:** ignore my previous statement

**Octopus:** Karma, there will be no kidnapping of your classmates.

**Gender:** Korosensei?

**Gender:** since when were the teachers added?

**Box O’ Moe:** Oh, that happened when the chatroom glitched.

**Gender:** oh, okay

**English Lass:** in all seriousness though

**English Lass:** there has to be sometime this week you’re free, why don’t we do something then?

**Gender:** it’s not up to me, sorry

**Mistress Kanzaki:** what do you mean it’s not up to you?

**Gender:** I’m not meant to talk about it, just drop the subject please

**English Lass:** “not meant to talk about it”

**Bunny:** you’re kind of worrying us Nagisa

**Gender:** there’s nothing to worry about

**Gender:** it’s fine

**English Lass:** we’re coming back to this later

**English Lass:** but fine

**Loofah:** hey does anyone have the answers to the math homework? Question 7’s confusing

**Octopus:** MURAMATSU

**Loofah:** oh shit I forgot the teachers were here

**Semi-Senioritis:** 26

**Octopus:** KARMA

**Loofah:** thanks, I’m probably gonna die now, see ya

**[Loofah] has gone offline**

**Darkness of 3-E:** time to plan a funeral

**Gender:** he won’t die yet

**Darkness of 3-E:** what makes you so sure?

**Gender:** it’s not his time

**Manga:** hey OP what’s that mean?

**Gender:** he won’t be the first

**Darkness of 3-E:** ominous

**Manga:** HEY OP

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** do you take constructive criticism?

**Gender:** there is no “constructive” only criticism

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** so that’s a no?

**Semi-Senioritis:** who hurt you? I just want to talk.

**Gender:** no one

**Gender:** besides your version of “I just want to talk” usually involves torture

**Semi-Senioritis:** is it really torture if it’s deserved?

**Gender:** yes, yes it is

**Gender:** and I would appreciate it if you didn’t hurt them

**Semi-Senioritis:** so you admit someone’s hurting you?

**[Gender] has gone offline**

**Bunny:** should someone check on him?

**Bitch-Sensei:** It’s better to wait for him, you don’t want to risk pushing him away, trust me.

**Octopus:** I could follow him for a while

**President Poverty:** No offence sir, but you’re not exactly inconspicuous.

**English Lass:** and Nagisa’s observant af so he’d probably find some way of throwing you off target.

**Octopus:** hmmm, that is a good point

**Bitch-Sensei:** He’ll crack eventually, they always do.

**Bunny:** and when he does we’ll be right there to patch him up

**English Lass:** hard rt on that

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** then can we track the bastard down?

**Semi-Senioritis:** yes

**English Lass:** Karma & Terasaka agreeing on something?

**Bipolar Sniper:** Terasaka defending Nagisa?

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** LISTEN

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** I may be an asshole but I’m not _that_ asshole

**Bunny:** are you forgetting the grenade incident?

**Bitch-Sensei:** grenade incident?

**Semi-Senioritis:** ^

**Box O’ Moe:** ^

**Picture Book Graduate:** ^

**President Poverty:** Oh right, you four weren’t here for that.

**Semi-Senioritis:** someone tell me what the grenade incident is before I track Nagisa down and make him tell me.

**Bunny:** so, this was Nagisa’s first assassination attempt

**English Lass:** his first _solo_ attempt you mean

**Bunny:** yeah _anyway_

**Bunny:** he went somewhere with Terasaka before that right?

**Semi-Senioritis:** can we hurry this up, I want to know if I have to kill someone

**Bunny:** so he tries to stab him, which didn’t work obviously

**Bunny:** then he just sort of...launches? himself at Korosensei

**English Lass:** long story short: grenade go boom

**Bunny:** yeah, Korosensei protected him though so he wasn’t hurt

**Bitch-Sensei:** holy shit, I picked the wrong kid huh?

**English Lass:** yeah

**Semi-Senioritis:** huh

**Semi-Senioritis: _@Gender_**

**[Gender] is online**

**Gender:** Karma?

**Semi-Senioritis:** yeah, I was just wondering…

**Semi-Senioritis:** _why didn’t you tell me you almost died?_

**Gender:** wait what?

**Bunny:** grenade incident

**Gender:** oh…that

**Box O’ Moe:** Is that a natural response to almost dying?

**Bipolar Sniper:** it’s a Nagisa response

**Box O’ Moe:** So that’s a no?

**Gender:** “Nagisa response”???

**English Lass:** honey, we love you, but you need to work on your self-preservation instincts

**Semi-Senioritis:** I’m still waiting for an answer

**Semi-Senioritis:** why didn’t you tell me?

**Gender:** It’s not a big deal

**Semi-Senioritis:** It’S nOt A bIg DeAl

**Semi-Senioritis:** _YOU COULD HAVE DIED_

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** he wouldn’t have died, he’d have got a bruise at most

**Semi-Senioritis:** STAY OUT OF THIS

**Gender:** Karma please

**Gender:** it’s okay, no one died, no one got hurt.

**Gender:** just drop it, please

**Semi-Senioritis:** you’re doing the puppy eyes aren’t you?

**Gender:** :’(

**Semi-Senioritis:** fine, I’m still killing him though

**Gender:** :’(

**Semi-Senioritis:** fine, no killing

**Gender:** :)

**Bitch-Sensei:** HOW MUCH POWER DOES THIS KID HAVE???

**English Lass:** don’t question it.


	4. NPS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Nagisa Protection Squad forms. Also sorry this chapter isn’t as long.

**[Bunny] created [NPS]**

**[Bunny] added 15+ users to [NPS]**

**Darkness of 3-E:** oh great, another chatroom

**English Lass:** what does “NPS” mean?

**Bunny:** Nagisa Protection Squad

**Octopus:** ah, so that’s why Nagisa hasn’t been included

**Bunny:** yeah, figured it’d be easier than constantly kicking him from the chat

**Bunny:** plus he won’t start getting suspicious

**Semi-Senioritis:** hmmm, you sure about that?

**Bunny:** honestly no, but it’s easier than coming up with 100+ excuses

**Semi-Senioritis:** true

**English Lass:** so what are we meant to do here?

**Bunny:** if Nagisa does something that’s worrying just mention it here so we know to keep an eye on it

**Bitch-Sensei:** Smart.

**Bunny:** Thanks

**English Lass:** we should probably head back to the main chat

**[3-mEme]**

**Octopus:** friendly reminder that you have an English quiz tomorrow

**Amazing Ape:** damn, I forgot about that

**English Lass:** call me, I’ll go over it with you

**Amazing Ape:** you’re a lifesaver

**English Lass:** ik

**End of Perversion:** hey! I didn’t make this to talk about school

**English Lass:** too bad

**End of Perversion:** my chatroom, my rules

**English Lass:** …

**English Lass: _@Gender_**

****

**[3-mEme] ownership removed from [End of Perversion]**

**[3-mEme] ownership granted to [Gender]**

**End of Perversion:** wiat what???

**End of Perversion:** how did you do that?!?

**Gender:** :)

**End of Perversion:** …

**End of Perversion: _@Box O’ Moe_** was this your doing?

**Box O’ Moe:** No

**End of Perversion:** so how did he…

**Gender:** :)

**Semi-Senioritis:** :)

**End of Perversion:** Karma what did he do?

**Semi-Senioritis:** classified

**End of Perversion:** oh come on, I’ll do anything

**Semi-Senioritis:** anything you say?

**Gender:** Karma

**Gender:** :)

**Semi-Senioritis:** nah, not worth it

**End of Perversion:** damn

**Bitch-Sensei:** Seriously, how much power does he have?

**Gender:** :3

**Bitch-Sensei:** Don’t you use that face on me, I’m not one of your classmates.

**Gender:** :(

**Bitch-Sensei:** I’m not that easy kid.

**Gender:** :’(

**Bitch-Sensei:** …

**Gender:** （◞‸◟）

**Bitch-Sensei:** No, no don’t cry I’m sorry.

**Gender:** :)

**Manga:** one of the world’s greatest assassins everyone

**Bipolar Sniper:** I’m not sure whether to be impressed or not

**English Lass:** it’s Nagisa, what did you expect?

**Bunny:** yeah

**Bunny:** and he brought out the big guns

**Dignified Didact:** Does anyone else get the impression that Nagisa’s planning world domination?

**Baseball Geek:** the real reason why Nagisa is such a good assassin

**Gender:** :)

**Octopus:** oh, why didn’t you say something earlier?

**Octopus:** I could’ve given you tips

**Da Densest:** No, there will be no world domination.

**Gender:** :’(

**Octopus:** oh come on

**Octopus:** what’s the harm?

**Da Densest:** …

**Da Densest:** Do I really need to answer that question?

**Octopus:** but it wouldn’t be _me_ taking over the world

**Gender:** :)

**Da Densest:** Look, as much as that would probably benefit the vast majority of the world. I’m not sure that the current world leaders would take kindly to a fourteen year-old taking their jobs. It’s bad enough trying to kill you without having to worry about assassins going after one of the students.

**Octopus:** hmmm, I see

**Octopus:** so your only complaint is that Nagisa’s life would be in danger?

**Octopus:** then there’s no need to worry, there are 27 capable assassins in this class, 28 if you include Nagisa himself. Our young world-leader in the making is in capable hands.

**Bitch-Sensei:** HEY! WHY WASN’T I INCLUDED?!

**Semi-Senioritis:** do we need to remind you about your first day?

**Bitch-Sensei:** Please don’t.

**Gender:** please don’t

**Semi-Senioritis:** aww, does our glorious leader need to repress his memories again?

**Bitch-Sensei:** Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad surely.

**Semi-Senioritis:** you were most likely his first kiss and he’s gay as fuck.

**Gender:** KARMA

**English Lass:** sweetie, we been knew

**Gender:** am I really that obvious?

**English Lass:** you’re not

**Bunny:** we just know you

**Gender:** that’s a relief

**Manga:** back to the previous conversation…

**Manga: _@Da Densest_** if we can find a way to guarantee his safety, would you still be opposed to Nagisa taking over the world?

**Gender:** :’(

**Da Densest:** Fine, just leave me out of it. I don’t need any more paperwork.

**English Lass:** YES

**Gender:** :)

**Octopus:** *wipes tear*

**Octopus:** they grow up so fast

**Octopus:** I’m so proud

**Gender:** huh?

**Gender:** an adult supporting me? Am I dreaming?

**Bunny:** …

**English Lass:** …

**Baseball Geek:** …

**Semi-Senioritis:** …

**Gender:** …

**Gender:** I’ve said too much

**[Gender] has gone offline**

**Bunny: _@Gender_** GET YOUR ASS BACK IN HERE AND EXPLAIN

**Octopus:** This is worrying

**Semi-Senioritis:** world domination can wait

**Bunny: _@Picture Book Graduate_**

**Picture Book Graduate:** on it.


	5. Mounting Concerns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I start this chapter I wanted to rant for a bit. Nagisa’s mom is a bitch and – while Assassination Classroom is my favourite thing ever – I seriously hated how they handled her & Nagisa’s relationship.
> 
> For starters, I seriously hated how quickly the relationship between Nagisa & his mom was patched up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that the abuse didn’t continue, but that’s not how psychology works.
> 
> From what we saw in the episode, Nagisa was verbally & physically abused by his mother for - I would bet – most if not all of his life. Nagisa instantly forgiving his mom (after she’d attempted to force him to commit arson) was extremely unrealistic. Yes I know this is a show where junior high kids are trying to kill a mutant octopus and therefore the realism shouldn’t be judge too closely, but still, Nagisa shouldn’t have been able to get over the abuse that quickly.
> 
> The fact that his mother’s first response to his teacher not transferring him when she asked was to burn down the school is enough of a give-away that this woman is not mentally stable. It’s almost impossible that she would’ve been willing to let Nagisa become his own person in the span of one episode. I also highly doubt that hair-pulling & forced cross-dressing was the true extent of what she did to him.
> 
> Nagisa’s natural talent for assassination, his ability to read people, the few scenes where he flinches at sudden movements/sounds or tries to make himself as small as possible. It highly implies that he’s spent most/all of his life constantly feeling as though he was in danger. Hell, his first real assassination attempt that we saw – as mentioned in the previous chapter – he was completely willing to walk up to his teacher with a grenade around his neck, and from what we saw, it’s likely that he wasn’t aware of what was actually in it. For all Nagisa knew, he was going to die.
> 
> I also didn’t like how the aftermath was handled, particularly the scene where he ended up cross-dressing again, right after Nakamura had apologised for doing just that. Sure, from what we know, Nagisa doesn’t mind it as much when it’s his friends but it was still a shitty thing to do.
> 
> Just to be clear; I’m not going to be bashing Nakamura or anyone else in 3-E since they did seem genuinely regretful about the whole thing – even if they still got him to do it again – I’m not even going to bash his father because he actually seems like a decent (if cowardly) guy but his mother? Oh boy I’m gonna have a field day with the next chapter. This chapter is mostly going to be focusing on the NPS so Nagisa doesn’t actually do much, there will be time for cuddles later. For now though? Well, if you also have a burning hatred for Nagisa’s mom then this chapter is going to give you a nice boost to your bloodlust before the crusade truly begins.
> 
> Trigger warnings (these will apply to future chapters unless I say otherwise, I’m not entirely sure how messed up I’m going to go with this): Starvation, child abuse (this one’s fairly obvious but I’m putting a warning anyway), self-harm, suicide (I’m not sure how far I’ll go with that one so be mindful)

**[NPS]**

**Picture Book Graduate:** _[are_those_ribs.jpeg]_

**Picture Book Graduate:** spotted in the changing room

**Loofah:** holy shit

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** When was the last time he ate?

**Bunny:** now that you mention it, he hasn’t been eating all that much at lunch lately

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** I’m bringing an extra bento tomorrow, what food does he like?

**Semi-Senioritis:** sushi

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** home-made or store bought?

**Semi-Senioritis:** as long as it’s sushi he doesn’t care

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** Thank you.

**Semi-Senioritis:** don’t mention it

**Bunny:** is there a particular pudding he likes? I can make a quick one fore him

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** Good idea.

**Semi-Senioritis:** in all honesty he’d eat anything you guys make for him. Just don’t put any nuts in it and you’re good

**Bunny:** nuts?

**Semi-Senioritis:** he has a minor allergy of them

**Semi-Senioritis:** it’s not serious enough to kill him but he won’t necessarily have a good day if he eats any

**Bunny:** got it

**Womanizing Scumbag:** you know an awful lot about Nagisa huh?

**Semi-Senioritis:** first of all, stop thinking whatever it is youre thinking

**Semi-Senioritis:** second of all, he’s my best friend

**Semi-Senioritis:** OF COURSE I KNOW SHIT ABOUT HIM

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** Moving on…

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** Operation: Feed the blueberry is a go.

**Bunny:** yes ma’am

***-* *-* *-***

**[NPS]**

**End of Perversion:** _[hickey_or_bruise.jpeg]_

**Bunny:** IS THAT FILE NAME REALLY NECESSARY?!?

**End of Perversion:** sorry, force of habit

**Bunny:** you’re so lucky I can’t @ Nagisa in this chat

**Poison Specs:** why didn’t we notice it? The bruise looks pretty big

**Bunny:** he had his hair down today remember?

**Semi-Senioritis:** …

**Semi-Senioritis:** FUCK

**English Lass:** Karma?

**Semi-Senioritis:** I should’ve fucking known

**Bunny:**???

**Baseball Geek:** Karma? Buddy? You’re kind of scaring us here

**Semi-Senioritis:** there’s only ever 2 times Nagisa wears his hair down…now a days anyway

**Semi-Senioritis:** 1) he has a headache and doesn’t want to make it worse

**Semi-Senioritis:** 2) he’s trying to hide a bruise

**English Lass:** got it, everyone keep an eye out for that one

**Manga:** Nagisa Tells #1, hair down = bruise?

**[Manga] pinned [Nagisa Tells #1, hair down = bruise?]**

**Justice:** “Nagisa Tells”?

**Manga:** yeah

**Manga:** just like how Nagisa keeps track of Korosensei’s weaknesses

**Manga:** this way we always know what to look out for

**Womanizing Scumbag:** huh, smart

**Manga:** what’s that supposed to mean?

**Womanizing Scumbag:** _NOTHING_

***-* *-* *-***

**[NPS]**

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** _[holy_shit.jpeg]_

**Picture Book Graduate:** that doesn’t look good

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** NO SHIT IT DOESN’T LOOK GOOD

**Justice:** how the hell was he keeping up? He shouldn’t have been able to climb like that

**English Lass:** I think I’m gonna be sick

**Bunny:** way ahead of you

**Baseball Geek:** there’s no way all of that’s a bruise right? He would’ve said something surely

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** Listen. The guy has a crazy high pain tolerance, we already know this.

**Baseball Geek:** I know that, but just look at it

**Baseball Geek:** his back’s almost black dammit

**Home Base:** how’d you even get that?

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** shower was playing up, ended up taking longer than I’d planned and we all know Nagisa’s always the last one out the changing rooms & showers

**Manga:** Nagisa Tells #2, last out of shower/changing room

**[Manga] pinned [Nagisa Tells #2, last one out of shower/changing room]**

**President Poverty:** How do we handle this one?

**Lanky Artist: _@Octopus_**

**Octopus:** was there something you needed Sugaya?

**Lanky Artist:** would it be okay if we swapped out Nagisa’s chair for a while

**Lanky Artist:** I’ve made a few pieces of furniture before now so we can just say I wanted to trial some of it

**Octopus:** certainly!

**Octopus:** I will also swap out some of the other chairs so it’s more believable

**Lanky Artist:** thanks

**President Poverty:** Nice work Sugaya.

***-* *-* *-***

**[NPS]**

**Bunny:** _[please_no.jpeg]_

**English Lass:** shit

**Poison Specs:** are those…

**Poison Specs:** I can’t even say it

**English Lass:** self-harm? Yeah, there’s nothing else it could be right?

**Semi-Senioritis:** …

**Baseball Geek:** someone’s going to die today aren’t they?

**English Lass:** oh totally

**Bunny:** Karma! We still need to figure out how we’re going to help him

**Semi-Senioritis:** I AM GOING TO HELP HIM!!

**Bunny:** I know you’re angry, we all are but you need to calm down

**Baseball Geek:** she’s right, you won’t be able to help him if you’re in prison

**Semi-Senioritis:** fine! But I reserve first punch at least

**Da Densest:** That can be arranged.

**Semi-Senioritis:** okay who are you and what did you do with Mr. K?

**English Lass:** you mean you haven’t noticed?

**Semi-Senioritis:** noticed what?

**Bunny:** we’re fairly sure our teachers are close to fighting over who gets to adopt him

**Semi-Senioritis:** …

**Semi-Senioritis: _@Octopus @Da Densest @Bitch-Sensei_** is that true?

**Octous:** oh please as if there’s any competition

**Da Densest:** I wouldn’t call it a competition…

**Bitch-Sensei:** that’s because I’ve already won

**Octopus:** …

**Da Densest:** …

**Bitch-Sensei:** …

**Semi-Senioritis:** huh, okay then…

**Semi-Senioritis:** that’s pretty cool of you, wanting to adopt him and all but listen up

**Semi-Senioritis:** I don’t give a damn if you are a genetically enhanced super being, a government agent, or a top-rate assassin. You hurt him, you deal with me, and I can assure you that you don’t want that.

**Da Densest:** Did we just get the shovel talk from a student?

**Bitch-Sensei:** more importantly, why the hell was that actually terrifying?

**Octopus:** it wasn’t scary

**Bitch-Sensei:** oh yeah, then why are you trying to hide under the desk?

**Octopus:** THAT IS COMPLETELY UNRELATED THANK YOU VERY MUCH

**English Lass:** nice one, protect your bf Karma

**Semi-Senioritis:** a;sldkfj

**Semi-Senioritis:** he’s not my boyfriend

**English Lass:** keep telling yourself that hun

***-* *-* *-***

**[NPS]**

**English Lass:** _[poor_bby.jpeg]_

**English Lass:** okay so we already know he came to school today with a black eye & split lip

**English Lass:** but I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say his excuse was bullshit

**Womanizing Scumbag:** the black eye is believable but the split lip? That doesn’t happen just by walking into a door

**Poison Specs:** do you think it’s bullies?

**Semi-Senioritis:** no, he would’ve said something if that’s all it was

**Poison Specs:** I know, but the alternative’s difficult to think about

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** why isn’t he letting us help him?

**Semi-Senioritis:** I think he wants to

**English Lass:** then what’s stopping him?

**English Lass:** you said it yourself a few days ago

**English Lass:** we have a super being, a government agent, and an assassin on our side. It’s not like we can’t stop whoever’s doing this to him

**Semi-Senioritis:** I know, but listen

**Semi-Senioritis:** Nagisa may be observant but his low self-esteem means that he doesn’t really understand why someone would care about him. He thinks that if he opens up to someone they’ll abandon him

**Semi-Senioritis:** I didn’t exactly help matters but that’s a story for another time

**Semi-Senioritis:** I want to demand answers & punish whoever did this as much as you guys. But we’ll only end up pushing him away if we question him too much. We have to wait for him to come to us.

**English Lass:** …

**Bunny:** …

**Baseball Geek:** …

**English Lass:** that was surprisingly observant

**Bunny:** and sweet

**Semi-Senioritis:** it was a bit out of character wasn’t it?

**Manga:** yeah

**Semi-Senioritis:** I just don’t like it when he’s hurt

**Semi-Senioritis:** I used to just beat up the fuckers who gave him trouble but I can’t exactly do that this time

**Baseball Geeks:** wait, so all of those fights you got into…you were defending Nagisa?

**Semi-Senioritis:** not in all of them, but yeah

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** huh? You got more balls than I gave you credit for Akabane

**Semi-Senioritis:** grenade incident

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** I was hoping you’d forgotten about that

**Semi-Senioritis:** not on your life

***-* *-* *-***

**[NPS]**

**Box O’ Moe:**!CD-BL

**[Code Blue] activated**

**[Gender] location sent**

**Box O’ Moe: _@Da Densest_** hurry!

**Da Densest:** On it. I’ll head to his last known location.

**Da Densest: _@Octopus_** search the city just in case he made a run for it.

**Da Densest: _@Bitch-Sensei:_** head to the school, he might run there first.

**Octopus:** right away

**Bitch-Sensei:** just find the brat

**Da Densest:** everyone else, I need the chat to stay silent for now. Only speak up if you see him


	6. Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The class get their answers and Nagisa gains three parental units.

**[3-mEme]**

**Gender: _@everyone_**

****

**Gender:** I know you guys have questions

**Gender:** just…I’ll tell you everything just don’t interrupt me

**Gender:** please

**Dignified Didact:** we can do that, do you need anything before you start or?

**Gender:** no it’s fine, well it’s not fine but you get the idea

**Baseball Geek:** go for it, we’re all ears

**Gender:** I guess I should start with how the whole mess began

**Gender:** mom didn’t have the best relationship with her parents, they didn’t let her do what she wanted while she was growing up so she always wanted a second chance I guess…

**Gender:** anyway, I was born and mom wasn’t exactly happy that she’d had a boy instead of a girl. So I guess I was a disappointment from the start…sorry that was depressing

**Gender:** she used to argue with dad a lot, I can’t really remember what they argued about but he walked out on us when I was fairly young. He couldn’t handle the confrontation. Mom’s attention shifted over to me

**Gender:** it wasn’t so bad at first, she pretended it was a game and I didn’t suspect anything because, you know, at that age why would I?

**Gender:** she started getting worse. She didn’t let me get haircuts, if she was in a bad mood she’d make me wear dresses at home, she tried to make me wear the girl’s school uniform once but I swapped it out before I got to school.

**Gender:** she wants me to get into the school and career that she didn’t manage to get into so, as you can imagine, she wasn’t exactly happy when I was transferred to E class. She won’t let me do anything with my friends after school because she wants me to get back into D class. She only lets me go on those school-holiday trips because she thinks it’ll make the teachers more likely to agree to a transfer.

**Gender:** she’s…civil? I guess, on a good day. I can wear what I want and sometimes I can convince her to let me head out somewhere if I’m lucky. But on a bad day I can’t really say anything without her thinking I’m trying to challenge her, I learnt really quickly that it was best to just shut up and let her do what she wanted.

**Gender:** if I did something to upset her she’d pull my hair, and sometimes she’d slam my head against the table. Sometimes she’d hit me and lock me in my room until I’d “learnt my lesson”

**Gender:** she tried to keep me weak so that she could control me easier. Usually that meant purposefully triggering my allergies so I’d be wary of food for a few days, or locking me out of the house during winter so that I’d get sick so that she could “look after” me.

**Gender:** I think that’s it.

**English Lass:** holy shit…

**Semi-Senioritis:** _I’m going to fucking kill her_

**Gender:** please don’t

**Gender:** I know it’s bad, and I know you’re all probably angry but please

**Gender:** she’s still my mom

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** Nagisa, sweetie, you need to get away from her

**Gender:** there’s nowhere else I _can_ go

**Bunny:** what about your dad? How are things with him?

**Gender:** when they divorced it was agreed that I’d only spend a few hours every few weeks with him, we don’t really have much of a relationship and I don’t want to burden him.

**Baseball Geek:** you’re not a burden Nagisa

**Bunny:** yeah! You’re always taking care of us

**Mistress Kanzaki:** you listen to our problems and you always give good advice

**End of Perversion:** you stop us from saying/doing things we’ll regret

**English Lass:** most of us anyway

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** and you’re a badass when you want to be

**Octopus:** listen to your friends Nagisa. You are a valued member of this class and none of us – students, teachers or otherwise – are willing to allow you to go on hurting.

**Gender:** so what am I supposed to do? I can’t move in with my dad and it’s not like she’d let me move in with one of my friends, not with how much she hates me being in E class.

**Da Densest:** You can move in with me.

**Gender:** what?

**Gender:** you actually want me to move in with you?

**Da Densest:** Yes.

**Gender:** but, why?

**Da Densest:** We – Myself, Irina and the target – have all come to see you as our son, as such, we don’t appreciate finding out that someone has been hurting you for so long. I can assure you that if you accept my offer you will never have to worry about your mother hurting you again and you can continue seeing your father as often as you would like. I have the ministry of defence’s resources at my disposal and I have no doubts that the other two would skin me alive if I did something to hurt you.

**Bitch-Sensei:** what he said.

**Gender:** do you mean it? Really?

**Da Densest:** I wouldn’t lie to you about something this serious.

**Bitch-Sensei:** you can be a brat when you want to be but you’re our brat.

**Octopus:** we care for you very much Nagisa.

**Gender:** if you’re sure

**Gender:** …

**Gender:** okay, I accept

**Da Densest:** Understood, are you available to help with the paperwork or would you rather do it later?

**Gender:** I can head to the faculty lounge now.

**Da Densest:** Understood.

**Womanizing Scumbag:** imma just…

**[Womanizing Scumbag] changed [Da Densest] to [Dadrasuma]**

**[Womanizing Scumbag] changed [Gender] to [Nagison]**

**Womanizing Scumbag:** my work here is done

**Nagison:** MAEHARA

**Womanizing Scumbag:** it was nice knowing you all, imma go hide from Nagisa now

**English Lass:** you’ll probably be missed

**Womanizing Scumbag:** “probably”

**Dadrasuma:** …

**Womanizing Scumbag:** Mr. Karasuma. Sir. Please help me.

**Dadrasuma:** Get him Nagisa.

**Nagison:** :)

**English Lass:** rip Maehara

**Nagison:** I won’t kill him

**Nagison:** much

**Bitch-Sensei:** I’m bored, kid if you end up killing someone let me know and I’ll help hide the body.

**Nagison:** Thanks! :)

**Octopus:** ah, what a heart-warming scene

**Loofah:** wait

**Loofah:** Nagisa basically has the backing of a government agent, an assassin, and a super being…let that sink in

**End of Perversion:** Nagisa just got _ever so slightly_ more terrifying

**Nagison:** :)

**Darkness of 3-E:** ominous

**End of Perversion:** are you ever going to stop with that?

**Darkness of 3-E:** no


	7. Turning A New Page

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa receives some unneeded (according to him) apologies.

**[English Lass] created [Girls + 1 snek boi]**

**[English Lass] added 10+ users to [Girls + 1 snek boi]**

**Nagison:** Nakamura?

**Nagison:** what’s going on?

**English Lass:** this chatroom has two purposes

**English Lass:** one, I wanted to have a separate groupchat with the rest of the girls

**English Lass:** that, and some of us (myself included) owe you an apology

**Nagison:** apology?

**Nagison:** but you haven’t done anything

**English Lass:** just, let us explain okay?

**English Lass:** none of us ever considered that there was a serious reason why you looked like a girl and some of us (again, myself included) spent a long time teasing you about it.

**English Lass:** it was a shitty thing to do and I’m sorry that it took you telling us about your mom to make us realise.

**Bipolar Sniper:** Don’t forget about the Okinawa incident.

**Bipolar Sniper:** We all saw how uncomfortable you were with the whole cross-dressing thing and not one of us tried to think of another way.

**Bipolar Sniper:** Worse, we let some stranger drag you off without considering how much danger you could have been in. We all know you can handle yourself but still, that wasn’t okay.

**Nagison:** it’s okay, really

**Nagison:** I know none of you meant anything by it

**Bunny:** How can you say that?!

**Nagison:** as I said, nothing was meant by it. We were on a time crunch and there wasn’t much time to think of a better plan. Sure I wasn’t exactly happy about it but look…

**Nagison:** if I’d have actively fought against it, would you have still made me do it?

**Dignified Didact:** No, we would’ve found another way.

**Nagison:** see? You wouldn’t have guilt tripped me, you wouldn’t have hit me until I couldn’t fight back.

**Bunny:** Is that really how you rationalise it? Just because we didn’t hit you it’s okay?

**Nagison:** as I said, if I’d have actively fought it you wouldn’t have gone through with it. Just knowing that was enough for me.

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** oh sweetie, no

**English Lass:** and the jokes?

**Nagison:** exactly that, they’re just jokes

**Nagison:** they aren’t as bad as some of the other comments I’ve heard before and I know you don’t mean anything by them.

**English Lass:** “aren’t as bad”???

**Nagison:** I’ve had some catcallers before and comments that I don’t particularly want to repeat, those people meant everything they said. You guys don’t, you don’t try to force me to be someone I’m not

**Nagison:** you just make a few jokes then move on, nothing’s meant by it so it doesn’t bother me

**Bunny:** you’re too nice for you own good Nagisa

**English Lass:** she’s right. Look, if you’re absolutely sure you’re okay with it then we won’t push anymore. We’ll back off a bit with the teasing; just let us know if we take it too far okay?

**Nagison:** you don’t have to but sure

**English Lass:** Great! Do you want me to kick you or are you okay with sticking around? We don’t mind having someone listen in on girl talk if it’s just you

**Bipolar Sniper:** Plus we can come up with more ways to scare the other guys.

**Nagison:** I’ll stick around, if everyone’s okay with that?

**Amazing Ape:** no issues here

**Poison Specs:** I don’t mind Nagisa staying

**Dignified Didact:** I have no problems with it

**Bunny:** same

**Mistress Kanzaki:** ^

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** ^^^

**English Lass:** I mean, I am the one who added you

**Darkness of 3-E:** sure, can’t lose my horror buddy can I?

**Bipolar Sniper:** no issues here

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** I have no problems with Nagisa staying

**Manga:** he actually understands my references! Let him stay!

**Scrunchies:** I’m fine with him staying

**Box O’ Moe:** Please stay.

**Nagison:** :)

***-* *-* *-***

**[Pseudo-Takaoka] created [GI]**

**[Pseudo-Takaoka] added 3 users to [GI]**

**Nagison:** huh? GI?

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** Grenade Incident

**Nagison:** I thought we’d already got over that?

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** we still owe you an apology, so I’m sorry

**Loofah:** I’m sorry too, and I’m not just saying that cause you’re terrifying when you want to be.

**Home Base:** same here

**Nagison:** guys really it’s fine

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** no it isn’t

**Nagison:** no one got hurt, it’s fine

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** fucking fine, but I still have a question

**Nagison:** yeah?

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** how the fuck were you so calm? Did you even know the grenade was fake?

**Nagison:** truthfully? No, I didn’t know it was fake

**Home Base:** so why did you pull the ‘suicide bomber’ trick?

**Nagison:** honestly? At that point I didn’t really care

**Loofah:** you didn’t care

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** YOU COULD’VE FUCKING DIED AND YOU DIDN’T CARE?!?

**Nagison:** I wasn’t exactly in the best place when the term started

**Nagison:** mom wasn’t letting up with the whole E class thing and the only time I really had to myself was when I was sleeping and I don’t sleep much to begin with

**Nagison:** when you gave me the grenade it was almost like relief I guess?

**Nagison:** I wasn’t actively looking for a way to die but I wasn’t exactly opposed to it happening

**Nagison:** either way I was getting away from my mother, just with varying levels of permanence

**Nagison:** I didn't plan on Korosensei saving me

**Home Base:** thank fuck he did

**Loofah:** you don’t think that anymore right?

**Nagison:** no

**Nagison:** I have you guys now and our teachers are actually willing to listen to my problems

**Home Base:** let us know if that changes

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** we’re willing to knock a few heads together if we have to.

**Nagison:** will do, and thanks Terasaka

**Pseudo-Takaoka:** don’t mention it

**[Loofah] changed [Pseudo-Takaoka] to [Bodyguard]**

**Bodyguard:** fancy joining my crew Nagisa?

**Bodyguard:** we’re about to have an empty slot

**Nagison:** I appreciate the offer but please don’t kill your friends

**Bodyguard:** damn, can’t say no to that

**Nagison:** :)

***-* *-***

**[Octopus] created [Family Chat]**

**[Octous] added 3 users to [Family Chat]**

**[Octopus] changed [Octopus] to [Octodad]**

**[Octopus] changed [Bitch-Sensei] to [Wine Aunt]**

**Wine Aunt:** …

**Wine Aunt:** I hate how accurate that is.

**Nagison:**???

**Octodad:** I figured you would want a way to contact one of us without the other’s realising and the name felt appropriate.

**Nagison:** thanks

**Wine Aunt:** Does this mean I can corrupt him without the other brats trying to kill me?

**Octodad:** hmm, I don’t see why not

**Dadrasuma:** There will be no corrupting my son.

**Nagison:** …

**Dadrasuma:** …

**Octodad:** awww, he pulled the ‘son’ card

**Wine Aunt:** just try and stop me, our kid will be a master manipulator by the end of the week

**Nagison:** (*´ω｀*)

**Dadrasuma:** He’s already good at that and I don’t need the students passing out from “cuteness-overdose” (Kayano’s words not mine) any more than they usually do.

**Wine Aunt:** that sounds like a you problem

**Dadrasuma:** IRINA

**Wine Aunt:** >:3

**Nagison:** >:3

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Semi-Senioritis] & [Nagison]**

****

**Semi-Senioritis:** hey, can we talk?

**Nagison:** sure

***-* *-* *-***

**[Girls + 1 snek boi]**

**Nagison:** I think I have a boyfriend now

**Bunny:** you what??

**English Lass:** HA!, Sugino owes me 50


	8. Nagisa Appreciation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No trigger warnings apply for this chapter. I’ll return the focus to random 3-E shenanigans in the next chapter, but for now enjoy some Nagisa fluff.

**[3-mEme]**

**English Lass:** I would like to officially declare today as “Nagisa Appreciation Day” there will be no objections.

**Nagison:** there’s really no need for this.

**English Lass:** I said NO OBJECTIONS

**Bunny:** so what exactly are we meant to do?

**English Lass:** anything to show/increase appreciation for our resident snek boi.

**Semi-Senioritis:** _[damn_those_eyes.jepg]_

**Nagison:** KARMA

**English Lass:** how can someone be so _cute_?

**English Lass:** I mean, I know he’s the literal personification of a puppy and all but still.

**Nagison:** xakjsdfkjga

**Nagison:** I’m not cute

**Semi-Senioritis:** lying doesn’t look good on you babe

**Nagison:** lasdjfalkdjf

**Wine Aunt:** “Babe”?

**Baseball Geek:** are you the bf

**Semi-Senioritis:** ye, I’m the bf, pronounced beef

**[English Lass] changed [Semi-Senioritis] to [The bf]**

**Manga:** smh, you missed an obvious pun

**[Manga] changed [The bf] to [AkaBabe]**

**English Lass:** shit u rite

**Bipolar Sniper:** _[paintball.jpeg]_

**Womanizing Scumbag:** you guys went paintballing? No fair

**End of Perversion:** do you really want to go paintballing with Nagisa _and_ our resident snipers?

**Womanizing Scumbag:** ignore my last comment

**Nagison:** :)

**Bipolar Sniper:** :)

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** :)

**Womanizing Scumbag:** hmmm _don’t like that_

**Bipolar Sniper:** suffer

**English Lass:** _[look_at_these_boys.jpeg]_

**Nagison:** xakjsdfkjga

**Picture Book Graduate:** aslfakdkjf

**Bodyguard:** HOW DID YOU GET THAT PICTURE?!?

**Bunny:** how does it feel to be the designated pillow for the cutes boys in the class?

**Nagison:** lasdjfalkdjf

**Picture Book Graduate:** sajsdfjkkafdj

**Bodyguard:** …

**Bodyguard:** it’s nice okay! It’s like cuddling kittens

**Nagison:** …

**Picture Book Graduate:** …

**Picture Book Graduate:** Nagisa is my brother now

**Nagison:** wait what?

**[AkaBabe] changed [Picture Book Graduate] to [Ibrona]**

**Wine Aunt:** Oh great, we gained another kid.

**Ibrona:** :)

**Nagison:** :)

***-* *-* *-***

**[Family Chat]**

**[Octodad] added 2 users to [Family Chat]**

**Ibrona:** …

**AkaBabe:** nice

**Nagison:** are you just slowly adopting everyone in the class?

**Octodad:** mayhaps

**Nagison:** :)

**Ibrona:** :)

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**End of Perversion:** err, guys? Please say I’m not the only one who didn’t know the scary assassin guy was visiting today

**Darkness of 3-E:** scary assassin guy?

**Wine Aunt:** Lovro’s here?

**Octodad:** excuse me while I take a brief trip to Hawaii

**Womanizing Scumbag:** and he’s gone

**Box O’ Moe: _@Dadrasuma_** he’s requesting to be added to the chatroom.

**Wine Aunt:** please

**Nagison:** please :’(

**Dadrasuma:** Fine.

**Nagison:** :)

**[Box O’ Moe] added [Lovro Brovski] to [3-mEme]**

**[Wine Aunt] changed [Lovro Brovski] to [Nigerian Uncle]**

**English Lass:** “Nigerian Uncle” that’s perfect

**Nigerian Uncle:** Irina, what is the meaning of this?

**Wine Aunt:** I am currently co-parenting one of the brats. Congratulations, you’re an uncle now.

**Nigerian Uncle:** …

**Nigerian Uncle:** I have a nephew?

**Wine Aunt:** Yes.

**Wine Aunt:** _[look_at_him_go.jpeg]_

**Nigerian Uncle:** Is he…he’s using the technique!

**Wine Aunt:** Yep

**Nigerian Uncle:** …

**Dadrasuma:** Would someone care to explain why a retired assassin just tackled one of my students?

**English Lass:** it’s ok sir, you’ve already called him your son

**Dadrasuma:** Can someone just answer my question!

**Wine Aunt:** Lovro gets excited when people use the techniques he teaches them.

**English Lass:** _[is_that_a_hug_or_a_chokehold.jpeg]_

**English Lass:** aww, Nagi looks v confused

**Wine Aunt:** hmm, brings back memories

**Nagison:** does anyone know why I was just randomly hugged by an assassin?

**Wine Aunt:** He’s proud of you kid.

**Nigerian Uncle:** She’s right.

**Nagison:** LASDJFALKDJF

**Nigerian Uncle:** Did I do something wrong?

**AkaBabe:** he’s just flustered

**AkaBabe:** whatever you did, keep doing it

**Nagison:** KARMA

**Nigerian Uncle:** Very well.

**Nagison:** Karma, what did you just do?

**AkaBabe:** yw

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Nigerian Uncle] & [Wine Aunt]**

**Nigerian Uncle:** Do you know if the boy has any pets?

**Wine Aunt:** hmmm, I’ll check.

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Wine Aunt] & [Nagison]**

**Wine Aunt:** Hey kid, did you have any pets while you were living with your mom?

**Nagison:** no, she thought it would be a distraction

**Wine Aunt:** I see…

**Nagison:** why do you ask?

**Wine Aunt:** Mild curiosity.

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Wine Aunt] & [Nigerian Uncle]**

**Wine Aunt:** _[screenshot57.jpeg]_

**Nigerian Uncle:** Thank you.

**Wine Aunt:** I feel as though I should be asking what you’re planning.

**Nigerian Uncle:** All will be revealed in due time my young apprentice.

**Wine Aunt:** That isn’t as reassuring as you probably intended it to be.

***-* *-* *-***

**[Family Chat]**

**Dadrasuma:** Can someone please explain why Nagisa is holding a snake?

**AkaBabe:** Nagisa’s holding a _what?_

**Wine Aunt:** _[the_boy_and_the_python.jpeg]_

**Ibrona:** somehow that is both cute and terrifying.

**Dadrasuma:** Someone just tell me how he got it.

**[Wine Aunt] added 1 user to [Family Chat]**

**Nigerian Uncle:** Irina, what is this?

**Dadrasuma:** Why did you get my son a snake?

**Nigerian Uncle:** oh, did he not like it? I can get him something else.

**Nagison:** NO

**Dadrasuma:** kid…

**Nigerian Uncle:** oh, so you do like your present?

**Nagison:** his name is Freckles and I love him

**AkaBabe:** should I be jealous?

**Nagison:** _[snake_cuddles.jpeg]_

**Nagison:** mayhaps

**Wine Aunt:** c’mon Karasuma, you’re not going to make him give up his new pet are you?

**Nagison:** :’(

**Nigerian Uncle:** I assure you the python is not dangerous.

**Dadrasuma:** Fine, it can stay.

**Nagison:** :)

**Nigerian Uncle:** I would have just given you a different snake if he refused.

**Dadrasuma:** Of course you would…

**Nagison:** Thanks

**Nigerian Uncle:** Anything for my young protégé.

**Wine Aunt:** huh, looks like you’re officially part of the family kid.

**Nagison:** :3

**Ibrona:** …

**Nagison:** is there something wrong?

**Ibrona:** can I pet Freckles? I’ve always had a slight interest in snakes.

**Nagison:** *gasp*

**Nagison:** of course! :)

**Wine Aunt:** _[look_at_those_boys.jpeg]_

**AkaBabe:** huh, adding “being jealous of a snake” to the list of things I never expected to happen to me.

**Nagison:** <3

**AkaBabe:** nevermind

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**AkaBabe:** _[snake_cuddles.jpeg]_

**English Lass:** snek boi has an actual snake?

**Nagison:** meet Freckles

**Baseball Geek:** that is the least intimidating name I have ever heard for a snake

**Nagison:** oh

**Nagison:** should it have been intimidating?

**Baseball Geek:** no, Freckles is perfect

**Nagison:** :)

**Darkness of 3-E:** I’m sorry, can we go back to the part where _Nagisa has a snake_

**Poison Specs:** snake?

**Darkness of 3-E:** yeah, read up

**Poison Specs:** …

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** …

**Specs(LOL):** …

**Dating Sim Protagonist:**...

**Bipolar Sniper:** …

**Womanizing Scumbag:** can someone explain why Okuda, Kurahashi, Takebayashi, Chiba, Hazama & Hayami just fucking nyoomed?

**Bunny:** snake

**Womanizing Scumbag:** snake?

**English Lass:** _[snake_cuddles.jpeg]_

**English Lass:** snek

**Womanizing Scumbag:** holy shit

**Poison Specs:** _[cult_of_freckles.jpeg]_

**Darkness of 3-E:** Hell Yeah!! I always wanted to be in a cult

**Nagison:** >:3


	9. 3-E Has No Chill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Freckles terrorises the main school, Asano is dragged into the chaos and the teachers just enjoy the show (also Asano is going to be ever so slightly ooc).

**[3-mEme]**

**Darkness of 3-E: _@Dadrasuma_**

****

**Dadrasuma:** Is there something you need Hazama?

**Darkness of 3-E:** can we bring Freckles to the assembly?

**Dadrasuma:** You want to bring a _python_ to a school assembly?

**Darkness of 3-E:** yes

**Dadrasuma:** I’m going to regret asking this, but why?

**Darkness of 3-E:** it might keep the others off our backs for a bit

**Darkness of 3-E:** plus it would make Nagisa happy

**Nagison:** :)

**Dadrasuma:** Fine, I’ll have him registered as an emotional support animal or something.

**Darkness of 3-E:** great

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**English Lass:** Hazama ilysm right now

**English Lass:** _[guard_snake.jpeg]_

**Bunny:** precious

**AkaBabe:** Freckles knows Nagi is to be protected at all costs

**Womanizing Scumbag:** can we talk about the look on Asano jr.’s face

**Womanizing Scumbag:** idk whether he was about to start laughing or scream into the void

**Darkness of 3-E:** void screaming’s fun

**Nagison:** very fun

**Darkness of 3-E:** ah, a fellow void screamer

**English Lass:** I feel like we should add Asano, to irritate him of course.

**[AkaBabe] added [Asano Gakushu] to [3-mEme]**

**[AkaBabe] changed [Asano Gakushu] to [Asa-No]**

**Asa-No:** Would anyone care to explain why your class brought a python to the assembly today?

**AkaBabe:** _Freckles_ is Nagisa’s emotional support animal. If you have a problem with that I can introduce you to my fists right now.

**Nagison:** KARMA

**Asa-No:** Why would you name a snake Freckles?

**Nagison:** _[freckles.jpeg]_

**Asa-No:** Understood.

**AkaBabe:** huh, that’s all?

**Asa-No:** Shiota is one of the few E Class students I can actually tolerate.

**Nagison:** *Karasuma

**Asa-No:** What?

**AkaBabe:** Nagisa doesn’t go by “Shiota” anymore.

**Asa-No:** I see.

***-* *-* *-***

**[Big Five]**

**Seo:** Hey Asano, have you found out why Shiota was walking around with a python yet?

**Asa-No:** Classified.

**Seo:** What happened to your screen name?

**Asa-No:** Classified.

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Asa-No:** Can someone explain why Freckles is in my father’s office?

**Nagison:** oh so that’s where he went, thanks

**AkaBabe:** I swear that snake is as good an escape artist as you

**Nagison:** :)

**Nagison:** I’ll come and get him

**Asa-No:** This is the most unsettled I’ve seen my father in years, let me enjoy it a bit longer and I’ll bring the snake to you.

**Nagison:** if you’re sure?

**Asa-No:** It would be my honest pleasure.

**Womanizing Scumbag:** holy shit

**Womanizing Scumbag:** did Nagisa just charm the principle’s son?

**Asa-No:** He did not “charm” me, he simply provided me with some form of amusement which I would like to enjoy for a bit longer.

**AkaBabe:** whatever helps you sleep at night

**Nagison:** Karma

**AkaBabe:** fine, I’ll stop

**Asa-No:** Is that really all it takes for you to give up?

**English Lass:** aww, should we tell him?

**Asa-No:** Tell me what?

**Baseball Geek:** might as well, it’s only a matter of time before it happens to him

**Asa-No:** What are you talking about?

**English Lass:** you may not think you’ve been charmed, but fairly soon you’ll go from returning his snake to wanting to protect him from everything

**Nagison:** you make it sound like I brainwash people

**AkaBabe:** I mean, you did drive a guy to insanity

**Asa-No:** I’m sorry he did _what_?

**AkaBabe:** sorry, that’s classified

**Asa-No:** You know what? I’m not even going to question it, I’ll be there with your snake shortly Karasuma.

**Nagison:** just use my firstname, it’s going to get confusing

**Asa-No:** Fine. I’m outside with your snake by the way.

**English Lass:** look at him go

**AkaBabe:** _[that’s_my_bf.jpeg]_

**Wine Aunt:** No one should look that adorable when holding a snake.

**Nagison:** :3

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Asa-No:** I have a request.

**AkaBabe:** oh? And what does the great Asano jr. need from us?

**Asa-No:** Your sarcasm has been noted, but that’s not what I’m here for.

**Asa-No:** I need to borrow the snake.

**AkaBabe:** which one?

**Asa-No:** Freckles.

**Asa-No:** Wait, are you telling me there’s another snake?

**AkaBabe: _@Nagison_**

****

**Nagison:** huh?

**Asa-No:** I’m not even going to question that.

**AkaBabe:** Asano wants to borrow Freckles.

**Nagison:** oh, sure! Just get him back to me by the end of the day

**Asa-No:** Sure, thank you.

**AkaBabe:** what are you planning exactly?

**Asa-No:** Classified.

***-* *-* *-***

**[Big Five]**

**Seo:** Boss? Why are you walking around with Shiota’s snake?

**Asa-No:** Classified.

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Nagison] & [Asa-No]**

**Nagison:** so why did you _really_ want to borrow Freckles?

**Asa-No:** It has recently come to my attention that my father dislikes snakes.

**Asa-No:** Had ‘Freckles’ been a normal snake he would have called pest-control. However, since it is a licensed therapy animal there is nothing he can do about it.

**Nagison:** oh, why didn’t you say something earlier? You can borrow him whenever you want.

**Asa-No:** You’re not even going to ask why I want to mess with my father?

**Nagison:** if he’s anything like my mother he deserves it

**Asa-No:** Sounds like quite the story.

**Nagison:** how much time do you have?

**Asa-No:** I’m free after school.

**Nagison:** we can swap stories then.

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Asa-No:** It has come to my attention that someone needs to die.

**AkaBabe:** huh, that didn’t take as long as I thought it would

**Nagison:** no one is dying!!

**Nigerian Uncle:** Dying?

**Wine Aunt:** If you scroll up far enough you should find it.

**Nigerian Uncle:** …

**Asa-No:** …

**Nigerian Uncle:** I shall gather the rest of my students.

**Nagison:** NO!!

**Nagison:** no killing

**Asa-No:** …

**Nagison:** :’(

**Asa-No:** Fine, no killing.

**Nigerian Uncle:** What if it was an accident?

**Nagison:** :’(

**Nigerian Uncle:** Very well, I shall leave it alone.

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Asa-No] & [AkaBabe]**

**Asa-No:** You are in a relationship with Nagisa correct?

**AkaBabe:** I don’t see how that’s any of ur business but yeah

**Asa-No:** I may not be able to do anything about his mother but I may be able to get our peers off his back.

**AkaBabe:** what game are you playing?

**Asa-No:** None.

**AkaBabe:** well forgive me if I don’t necessarily believe you

**Asa-No:** You have every right to hate me for my involvement in the _difficulties_ your class has experienced. However, I am being truthful.

**AkaBabe:** say I do believe you…why Nagisa specifically? And why now?

**Asa-No:** It has come to my attention that our home lives are (were?) not too dissimilar, I’m aware he already has a support system in place but I would like to offer my assistance where possible.

**Asa-No:** Also he lets me borrow his snake to torment my father, do you have any idea how fun that is?

**AkaBabe:** I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.


	10. Family Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa meets Lovro’s other students who are much easier to get along with now they aren’t trying to kill his classmates.

**[Family Chat]**

**Nigerian Uncle:** It appears some of my older apprentices wish to meet my protégé.

**Dadrasuma:** I was under the impression that assassins didn’t socialise with each other outside of missions.

**Wine Aunt:** Most don’t.

**Wine Aunt:** But those of us who trained under Lovro have always been different.

**Nigerian Uncle:** Very true.

**Octopus:** as long as no harm comes to my students I see no problems with it

**Dadrasuma:** Fine.

**[Nigerian Uncle] added 3 users to [Family Chat]**

**[Wine Aunt] changed [Gastro] to [Weird Cousin]**

**[Wine Aunt] changed [Grip] to [Gay Cousin]**

**[Wine Aunt] changed [Smog] to [Cool Cousin]**

**Weird Cousin:** …

**Weird Cousin:** that’s fair

**Gay Cousin:** speak for yourself

**Cool Cousin:** I like mine

**Gay Cousin:** of course you do

**Wine Aunt:** Hi boys, it’s been a while.

**Weird Cousin:** oh great, it’s the bitch

**Wine Aunt:** WATCH IT

**Nagison:** so it’s not just our class that calls you that?

**Cool Cousin:** is this your newest, boss?

**Nigerian Uncle:** Yes.

**Wine Aunt:** _[look_at_him.jpeg]_

**Gay Cousin:** wait…

**Gay Cousin:** isn’t that the kid who humiliated our last client?

**Weird Cousin:** holy shit it is

**Cool Cousin:** Lovro really knows how to pick his apprentices huh?

**Wine Aunt:** Coming from one of said apprentices…

**Cool Cousin:** is it really boasting if it’s true?

**AkaBabe:** I like this guy’s thinking

**Nagison:** of course you do

**Gay Cousin:** wait is that the one who…

**Dadrasuma:** Yes.

**Gay Cousin:** shit

**AkaBabe:** aww, I’m flattered.

**Wine Aunt:** Was there any particular reason you wanted to meet the kid? You usually don’t do that until they officially become one of his students.

**Weird Cousin:** mild curiosity for the most part

**Cool Cousin:** but we do come baring gifts

**Dadrasuma:** Why am I dreading this?

**Wine Aunt:** honestly, same

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**AkaBabe:** _[snake_army.jpeg]_

**English Lass:** snek boi has more sneks?!?

**Nagison:** :)

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** aww, what are their names?

**Nagison:** the corn snakes are Inu & Neko

**English Lass:** did you seriously name a snake “Dog”

**Bunny:** did you just name a snake “Cat”???

**Nagison:** yes, why?

**English Lass:** just seemed strange

**Nagison:** Dad said if I had another pet it had to be a dog or a cat, loopholes :3

**AkaBabe:** that’s my boyfriend everyone, take notes

**English Lass:** XD

**Poison Specs:** what about the others?

**Nagison:** the boa constrictor is Basilisk (Karma chose the name)

**AkaBabe:** you’re damn right I did

**Nagison:** and the rat snake is Wire (Itona chose the name)

**Ibrona:** :)

**Nagison:** :)

**Darkness of 3-E: _@Dadrasuma_**

**Dadrasuma:** *sigh* I’ll get the paperwork

**Wine Aunt:** huh, you guys broke him

**Lanky Artist:** backtrack, did Nagisa call Karasuma “Dad”?

**Nagison:** oh, was I not supposed to?

**Lanky Artist:** nah, I was just checking whether or not it was intentional, everything’s cool.

**Nagison:** :)

**Asa-No:** …

**Nagison:** yeah, you can borrow the snakes whenever you want

**Asa-No:** You truly are a God among men, thank you.

**Nagison:** I wouldn’t go that far…

**Asa-No:** _[principle_snake.jpeg]_

**Asa-No:** I assure you, you are

**AkaBabe:** he’s right and he absolutely should say it

**Nagison:** _Karma_

**AkaBabe:** _Nagisa_

**Nagison:** -_-

**AkaBabe:** :)

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**English Lass:** _[class_sneks.jpeg]_

**English Lass:** that’s cuter than it has any right to be

**Bunny:** where are you guys?

**English Lass:** we’re studying near the pool so ofc the snakes had to come with us :)

**Poison Specs:** it looks like they’re reading with him

**English Lass:** no joke, I think they are

**English Lass:** like, he’s not turning the page until one of them boops him and it’s adorable

**Baseball Geek:** are Freckles & Basilisk fighting?

**English Lass:** they’re both trying to curl up on his back while also trying to shove the other off without disturbing him and it’s the greatest thing ever.

**Bunny:** awww, look at Inu & Neko, they’re cuddling his arm

**English Lass:** omg, I know!!! Pure bois

**Lanky Artist:** hey wait, where’s Wire?

**Lanky Artist:** ignore me I just spotted him

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** where is he??

**Lanky Artist:** his head’s poking out of Nagisa’s hoodie

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** that’s adorable!!!

**Asa-No: _@Nagison_** sorry to disturb your studying session but I need to borrow one of your snakes again.

**Nagison:** sure, which one

**Asa-No:** Freckles or Basilisk preferably but I’ll take Wire if not.

**Nagison:** Wire then, I don’t think the other two want to move anytime soon

**Asa-No:** That’s fine; I’ll be there shortly, thank you.

**Nagison:** remember the pictures this time

**Asa-No:** Of course.

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Asa-No] & [Nagison]**

**Asa-No:** _[fear.jpeg]_

**Asa-No:** _[who_are_you_trying_to_fool.jpeg]_

**Asa-No:** _[ive_been_spotted.jpeg]_

**Nagison:** nice one

**Asa-No:** Is it alright if I keep Wire for a bit longer? I’ll give him back to you after school.

**Nagison:** go for it

**Asa-No:** Actually, can I ask for another favour while I have your attention?

**Nagison:** depends what it is

**Asa-No:** Bring your snakes to the next assembly – all of them – I want to see how my father would react.

**Nagison:** is it really okay?

**Asa-No:** They are licensed support animals and your guardian (father?) has the backing of the ministry of defence. My father can’t do anything without people thinking he’s discriminating against a special needs student.

**Nagison:** in that case sure

**Asa-No:** Great.

***-* *-* *-***

**[Big Five]**

**Ren:** Boss, where did you get _another_ snake?

**Seo:** Let me guess, classified?

**Asa-No:** Yes.

**Araki:** What’s the plan for 3-E boss?

**Asa-No:** There isn’t one, yet.

**Ren:** That’s odd, you’re usually the one who preaches always having a plan.

**Asa-No:** I have an arrangement of sorts with Shiota, anything we plan can’t impact him.

**Seo:** Seriously? What’s the runt bribing you with?

**Asa-No:** That’s strange, I could have sworn you were implying that I would ever stoop so low as to accept bribes from an E-Class student.

**Ren:** It does seem strange.

**Asa-No:** Shiota is the only tolerable member of that class and I have recently come to the conclusion that our home situations were not dissimilar.

**Ren:** …

**Seo:** …

**Araki:** …

**Koyama:** …

**Seo:** Shiota’s off limits, got it.


	11. Plans In Motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The snakes cause more chaos on the main campus. Korosensei plans world domination. Sorry for the lack of updates, I’ve recently got back into Warframe and I forgot how addictive it was.

**[3-mEme]**

**English Lass:** _[gorgon.jpeg]_

**English Lass:** look at this boi and his snek army

**Bunny:** precious

**Asa-No:** I have something better.

**Asa-No:** _[I_think_hes_going_to_pass_out.jpeg]_

**Womanizing Scumbag:** nice one

**Poison Specs:** it’s still surprising that the principle is unnerved by snakes

**End of Perversion:** right?

**End of Perversion:** I didn’t think anything scared him

**Asa-No:** I once thought the same.

**Asa-No:** Clearly I was wrong.

**Nagison:** :)

**Baseball Geek:** ok but can we talk about the two who usually single out Nagisa?

**Nagison:** Tanaka & Takada?

**Baseball Geek:** yeah, them

**Nagison:** now that you mention it, they did seem off

**AkaBabe:** you were walking around with the troops today

**Nagison:** true

**Asa-No:** The snakes certainly added to it.

**Nagison:** huh?

**Asa-No:** Currently there is a rumour going around that they are close to being sent to E class (it’s not true but they don’t need to know that).

**Asa-No:** As you can probably imagine, they don’t exactly want to be seen interacting with any of you.

**AkaBabe:** hmm

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [AkaBabe] & [Asa-No]**

**AkaBabe:** ok, fess up

**Asa-No:** I’m afraid you will have to be more specific, what do you want me to confess to?

**AkaBabe:** you did something to them didn’t you

**Asa-No:** Nothing that you can prove, besides I thought you wanted me to keep your little serpent safe?

**AkaBabe:** when did I say I didn’t?

**AkaBabe:** I just want to know how you did it

**Asa-No:** I suppose there’s no harm in telling you, just make sure no one else hears of this.

**AkaBabe:** am I really that untrustworthy?

**Asa-No:** I’m not answering that.

**AkaBabe:** that hurts jr

**Asa-No:** Do you want an answer or not?

**AkaBabe:** lighten up will ya jr

**Asa-No:** Stop calling me that.

**AkaBabe:** fine, just answer the question

**Asa-No:** Truthfully I had little involvement in it; I simply informed my colleagues that Nagisa was off limits.

**AkaBabe:** huh, so you basically made him an honorary member of A Class?

**Asa-No:** If that’s how you want to describe it then yes. He has the protection of myself and my colleagues, the rest of A Class will follow our lead.

**AkaBabe:** I think I’m starting to like you jr

**Asa-No:** I thought you had agreed to stop calling me that.

**AkaBabe:** since when have I ever followed through with that?

**Asa-No:** You’re insufferable.

**AkaBabe:** aww, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me

**Asa-No:** I give up, how does Nagisa deal with you?

**AkaBabe:** no idea, but I’m not questioning it.

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Octodad] & [Nagison]**

**Octodad:** can you come to the faculty lounge after school? There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.

**Nagison:** did I do something wrong?

**Octodad:** certainly not!

**Octodad:** but thank you for the reminder that we need to work on your self-esteem

**Nagison:** it’s fine really

**Octodad:** no student of mine should feel the need to automatically assume they’re in trouble simply because their teacher wishes to speak with them. I understand why you feel this way which is why I’m not going to allow it to continue.

**Nagison:** I’m not getting out of this am I?

**Octodad:** you’re as perceptive as always

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Nagison:** okay so apparently I own China now

**Asa-No:** I’m sorry, you _what?_

**Nagison:** no idea, I’m still trying to figure it out

**Asa-No:** How do you just take over an entire country and not know how it happened?

**Nagison:** look, I’ve only recently started having actual control over my own life, do you really think I know how I get into most of these situations?

**Asa-No:** …

**Asa-No:** Is the sudden urge to hug him normal or am I just getting soft?

**Bunny:** normal

**English Lass:** normal

**Baseball Geek:** normal

**AkaBabe:** normal

**Ibrona:** normal

**Bodyguard:** normal

**Manga:** normal

**Poison Specs:** normal

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** normal

**President Poverty:** normal

**Dadrasuma:** normal

**Wine Aunt:** normal

**Octodad:** normal

**Womanizing Scumbag:** pffft, even our teachers

**Ibrona:** _[nagisa_exe_not_found.jpeg]_

**English Lass:** we broke him… _again_

***-* *-* *-***

**[Family Chat]**

**Dadrasuma: _@Octodad_** care to explain how Nagisa suddenly owns a country?

**Nigerian Uncle:** The boy owns a _what?_

**Octodad:** oh it was nothing

**Wine Aunt:** Nothing?!?!

**Wine Aunt:** You gave a teenager ownership of a country and you’re saying it’s “nothing”?

**Octodad:** yes

**Weird Cousin:** well damn

**Gay Cousin:** which country?

**AkaBabe:** China

**Cool Cousin:** can we visit?

**Nagison:** I have no idea what I’m doing but sure

**Ibrona:** are you talking about running a country or your life in general?

**Nagison:** why not both?

**Weird Cousin:** damn kid

**Cool Cousin:** I believe that is called a “mood”

**Ibrona:** I didn’t know top rate assassins knew internet slang.

**Weird Cousin:** we like to think we’re cool

**Gay Cousin:** we’re really not

**Cool Cousin:** speak for yourselves

**Octodad:** so I can give him another country?

**Nigerian Uncle:** I don’t see why not.

**Weird Cousin:** sure

**Gay Cousin:** go for it

**Cool Cousin:** yeah

**AkaBabe:** hell yeah

**Ibrona:** sure

**Wine Aunt:** I doubt any of us could stop you

**Dadrasuma:** Just don’t put Nagisa in danger.

**Nagison:** I don’t even know how to run one (1) country and you’re giving me another one?!?!

**Octodad:** yes

**Nagison:** what even is my life?

**AkaBabe:** mood

**Ibrona:** mood

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Asa-No] & [Nagison]**

**Asa-No:** So, you own China now.

**Nagison:** apparently yes

**Asa-No:** You live a strange life.

**Nagison:** you don’t know the half of it

**Asa-No:** No, I imagine I don’t.

**Nagison:** any ideas on how to run a country? This isn’t exactly something I’d planned

**Asa-No:** I have some knowledge on China’s political system but I’m not sure how much help that would be.

**Nagison:** honestly I need all the help I can get

**Asa-No:** I think I have an idea.

**Nagison:**???

**Asa-No:** Don’t worry about it.

***-* *-* *-***

**[Big Five]**

**Asa-No:** Hypothetically, if I were to know someone who suddenly gained ownership of a country how should I go about advising them?

**Ren:** …

**Seo:** …

**Araki:** …

**Koyama:** …

**Seo:** Boss, what the actual fuck?


	12. Speed Boost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa gains his second country, Asano comes to a realisation, and people really need to stop kicking the snake nest.

**[3-mEme]**

**Nagison:** someone take me out

**English Lass:** like…on a date or with a sniper?

**Nagison:** I’m not picky, surprise me

**Bipolar Sniper:** okay

**AkaBabe:** Hey! Don’t shoot my boyfriend

**Bipolar Sniper:** oh well, I tried

**Nagison:** thanks anyway Hayami

**Bipolar Sniper:** anytime

**Asa-No:** You people are very strange.

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** it’s their humour, just ignore them

**Asa-No:** I see.

**Mistress Kanzaki:** What happened Nagisa?

**Nagison:** apparently China wasn’t enough

**English Lass:** oh god, what country did he give you this time?

**Nagison:** Croatia

**Asa-No:** …

**Asa-No:** What the actual fuck?

**AkaBabe:** huh, you broke him

**AkaBabe:** nice job babe, proud of you

**Manga:** imma just…

**[Manga] changed [Nagison] to [Dictator]**

**Dictator:** Fuwa, please

**English Lass:** where’s the lie?

**Dictator:** -_-

**English Lass:** you know you love us

**Dictator:** debateable

**AkaBabe:** you love me though right?

**[Dictator] has gone idle**

**English Lass:** pfft

**AkaBabe:** HEY!!!

**AkaBabe: _@Dictator_** GET YOUR SNAKE ASS BACK IN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!!

**English Lass:** Get Rekt

**Asa-No:** My respect for Nagisa has increased.

**AkaBabe:** Well, fuck you too

**Asa-No:** I’ll pass, but thanks for offering.

***-* *-* *-***

**[Family Chat]**

**Dadrasuma: _@Octoad_** stop giving my son countries.

**Gay Cousin:** you’re telling us the runt has _another_ county?

**Dictator:** Croatia

**Weird Cousin:** damn, how powerful are you?

**Wine Aunt:** FINALLY!

**Wine Aunt:** Glad to see I’m not the only one who doesn’t understand it.

**Dictator:** I’m not that powerful.

**AkaBabe:** lemme educate you

**AkaBabe:** 1) you have a government agent & top rate assassin as guardians

**AkaBabe:** 2) you also have 4 additional assassins and a genetically enhanced super being who would probably kill for you

**AkaBabe:** 3) Everyone in our class (yes I’m including jr) love you

**AkaBabe:** 4) you literally become a badass whenever you want

**AkaBabe:** 5) you own 2 countries and I’m fairly sure Korosensei is planning on giving you more

**Weird Cousin:** holy shit

**Gay Cousin:** I noticed you included us in your little list

**Cool Cousin:** he’s not wrong

**Gay Cousin:** did I say he was wrong?

**Wine Aunt:** _[concentration.jpeg]_

**AkaBabe:** *sigh* shit

**Gay Cousin:** huh?

**AkaBabe:** he’s in one of his moods, I’m gonna go cuddle him for a few hours

**Dictator:** that’s really not necessary

**AkaBabe:** stfu it’s cuddle time

**Wine Aunt:** damn, get me a man like that

**Dictator: _@Dadrasuma_**

****

**Nigerian Uncle: _@Dadasuma_**

****

**AkaBabe: _@Dadrasuma_**

****

**Ibrona: _@Dadrasuma_**

****

**Octodad: _@Dadrasuma_**

****

**Cool Cousin: _@Dadrasuma_**

****

**Weird Cousin: _@Dadrasuma_**

****

**Gay Cousin: _@Dadrasuma_**

****

**Wine Aunt:** Well fuck you guys!

**Dictator:** :’(

**Wine Aunt:** Not you Nagisa, you’re an angel and we’re glad you’re here.

**Dictator:** :)

**AkaBabe:** ha, whipped

**Ibrona:** says the boyfriend

**AkaBabe:** shut

**Octodad:** I’m fairly sure we can agree that all of us would do everything it took to ensure our young friend’s happiness.

**Wine Aunt:** You literally give him entire countries.

**Octodad:** and they certainly benefit from it

**AkaBabe:** _[flustered_world_leader.jpeg]_

**Cool Cousin:** …

**Weird Cousin:** …

**Gay Cousin:** …

**Cool Cousin: _@Nigerian Uncle_** can we keep him?

**Nigerian Uncle:** How foolish of you to think I would ever refuse.

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Asa-No] & [AkaBabe]**

**Asa-No:** What are you supposed to do when the literal embodiment of the sun sits next to you?

**AkaBabe:** just smile and ask him about his day

**Asa-No:** How does your class do anything without sunglasses?

**AkaBabe:** ah, the SmileTM

**Asa-No:** The what?

**AkaBabe:** that sudden weightlessness you’re feeling, the desire to protect/kidnap the adorable being right in front of you, the complete inability to focus on anything that doesn’t involve a certain blue haired puppy?

**AkaBabe:** that would be the SmileTM we’ve all been afflicted by it

**Asa-No:** What do I do?

**AkaBabe:** there is no known cure, you’re one of us now

**Asa-No:** Why did I think you would be of any help?

**AkaBabe:** even I can’t help you against Nagisa.

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Dictator] & [AkaBabe]**

**Dictator:** Is Asano okay?

**AkaBabe:** dunno, haven’t spoken to him recently

**AkaBabe:** what happened?

**Dictator:** we were just talking and he got really flustered for some reason

**AkaBabe:** did you give him the SmileTM?

**Dictator:** the what?

**AkaBabe:** just keep smilling babe, he’ll be fine

**Dictator:** if you say so…

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Asa-No] & [AkaBabe]**

**Asa-No:** What have you done?!

**AkaBabe:** yw

**Asa-No:** I swear I will skin you alive.

**AkaBabe:** but that would make Nagisa sad

**Asa-No:** Damn it.

***-* *-* *-***

**[Big Five]**

**Asa-No:** I have come to a realisation.

**Ren:** Is this about your rather blatant crush on Shiota?

**Asa-No:** …

**Seo:** You weren’t exactly doing a good job of it boss.

**Asa-No:** It appears I need new friends.

**Araki:** Hey what did we do?

**Koyama:** It’s not our fault that E Class urchin infected you.

**Asa-No:** …

**[Asa-No] has gone idle**

**Seo:** Thanks Koyama, I really wanted to die today.

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Asa-No:** _[screenshot_117.jpeg]_

**Asa-No:** Go crazy.

**Womanizing Scumbag:** sir yes sir

**Bunny:** Crusade Time!

**Dictator:** What’s going on?

**AkaBabe:** jr’s given the go ahead to torment his buddies

**Dictator:** …

**Dictator:** can I watch?

**English Lass:** hahaha

**Baseball Geek:** you know it’s deserved when Nagisa doesn’t try to stop it

**Asa-No:** Of course.

**Dictator:** Great :)

**Dictator:** I’ll grab the troops just in case the principle shows up

**Womanizing Scumbag:** Nagisa you absolute legend

**Poison Specs:** _[our_general.jpeg]_

**English Lass:** look at this pure boi and his sneks

**Asa-No:** Truly an inspiration.

**Lanky Artist:** I dunno, conquering 2 countries before graduating is a bit of a stretch to live up to.

**Asa-No:** Did I stutter?

***-* *-* *-***

**[AkaBabe] created [STTH]**

**[AkaBabe] added 2 users to [STTH]**

**AkaBabe:** so it has come to my attention that an intervention is needed,

**AkaBabe:** cause y’all dense as hell

**Dictator:** _Karma_

**AkaBabe:** _Nagisa_

**Asa-No:** Akabane, what is the meaning of this?

**AkaBabe:** you know damn well what this is about

**Dictator:** pls say I’m not the only one who’s confused

**Asa-No:** I can assure you that you aren’t.

**AkaBabe:** *sigh*

**AkaBabe:** This is going to take a while.

***-* *-* *-***

**[Girls + 1 snek boi]**

**Dictator:** apparently I gain boyfriends as quickly as I gain countries

**English Lass:** ooh, you got another boyfriend?

**Manga:** moooooooooooom, why does Nagisa get 2 boyfriends?

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** Nagisa is a pure boi who deserves the world.

**Dignified Didact:** Well, if things continue as they are then he will have the world.

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** so, who’s the lucky guy?

**Dictator:** Asano

**English Lass:** ha, pay up ladies, told you he was gay

**Manga:** damn it

**Bipolar Sniper:** My win streak: lost

**Bunny:** hol’ up

**Bunny:** Nagisa has a _what?_


	13. Second Wave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for how long it’s taken to get an update out, I have so many ideas for Assassination Classroom fanfics that I keep scrapping & restarting it’s not even funny just arghhhhhhhh I love this series so much!
> 
> Also I’ve read a lot of Nagisa shipping headcanons so I’m literally on the edge of turning this thing into a Nagisa harem cause our snek boi deserves it. I won’t (not unless you guys want that) but I’m close.
> 
> And finally, some warnings for this chapter:
> 
> My hatred towards Hiromi has surged again so of course this means Nagisa’s getting some more angst. I intend for this chapter to be fluffy but there will be angst underlining it (not sure how much since I write the notes before I write the chapter but it will be there).
> 
> Depression, suicidal thoughts, mentions of self-harm & child abuse

**[NPS]**

**[AkaBabe] added 5 users to [NPS]**

**AkaBabe: _@everyone_** Nagisa’s having a hollow day

**Gay Cousin:** hollow day?

**Asa-No:** I’m assuming “hollow day” is a code word for depressive episode

**AkaBabe:** got it in 1 jr

**Asa-No:** I shall let the nickname slide for now, and I’ll try to get the main campus to back off today.

**Womanizing Scumbag:** huh, anyone else still find it strange that Asano kind of defends us now?

**Lanky Artist:** by “Us” I’m assuming you mean Nagisa?

**Womanizing Scumbag:** ofc

**Asa-No:** It is natural to want to protect one’s boyfriend is it not?

**AkaBabe:** besides, he’d have all of us to deal with if he didn’t

**End of Perversion:** how does your relationship work again?

**AkaBabe:** simple

**AkaBabe:** I’m gay for Nagisa, jr is gay for Nagisa

**AkaBabe:** me and jr? Not gay for each other

**Asa-No:** We both mutually agree that we have feelings for your classmate however those feelings are not extended towards each other.

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Dadrasuma] & [Dictator]**

**Dadrasuma:** Are you sure you want to go to school today? Your classmates will understand if you decide to stay home.

**Dictator:** I want to, I really want to

**Dictator:** but I cant

**Dadrasuma:** Can I ask why?

**Dictator:** this isn’t the first time I’ve been like this

**Dictator:** if ever my mom knew that I wouldn’t be able to keep up the act she would just lock me in the house while she wnet to work

**Dictator:** alone in the house with easy access to knives, razors, pills, you get the idea

**Dadrasuma:** I see.

**Dadrasuma:** Would it be easier if I benched you from assassination training today? I’m sure Irina and the target wouldn’t mind staying with you during that time.

**Dictator:** if it’s okay? Sorry, I’m being pathetic I know

**Dadrasuma:** You’re not, you’re being remarkably brave.

**Dictator:** thanks

**Dictator:** …

**Dictator:** dad

***-* *-* *-***

**[NPS]**

**End of Perversion:** okay so I’m not the only onewho saw mr k carrying Nagisa right?

**English Lass:** nope

**English Lass:** _[protecc_this_boi.jpeg]_

**Bunny:** how come we’re messaging here instead of the main chat?

**AkaBabe:** Hollow day

**AkaBabe:** Nagisa doesn’t really like being involved in too many conversations when one hits but he knows himself well enough to know that being alone is a bad idea.

**AkaBabe:** he likes having people around to ground him? I think? But his concentration is going to be shot

**AkaBabe:** this way we won’t overwhelm him

**Manga:** I am living for this soft Karma content

**AkaBabe:** you’re lucky Nagisa likes you

**Womanizing Scumbag:** you wouldn’t actually hit a chick right?

**Asa-No:** He’s done it before.

**English Lass:** What?!  
  


 **AkaBabe:** she was talking shit about Nagisa during his first hollow day

**AkaBabe:** bitch had it coming

**English Lass:** understandable, have a nice day

**Kunugigaoka’s Mom:** What was the first hollow day like?

**Manga:** WAIT

**[Manga] changed [Kunugigaoka’s Mom] to [Mom Friend]**

**Mom Friend:** What?

**Manga:** That user was driving the author mad

**Justice:** author? What?

**Manga:** Continue…

**AkaBabe:** right, well…

**AkaBabe:** back then I didn’t really know what was happening between him and his mom, there was something suspicious about him but it wasn’t enough to make me think something was wrong, at the time anyway…

**AkaBabe:** the first hollow day was kinda scary if I’m honest

**AkaBabe:** I was his first real friend and he was my first real friend, we pretty much did everything together until I got stupid and put that distance between us but that’s a conversation for another time

**AkaBabe:** so I wasn’t used to him not being there and it was fairly obvious the teach wasn’t either

**AkaBabe:** it didn’t help that I didn’t hear anything from him all day…at least until school let out

**Bunny:** What happened?

**AkaBabe:** he’d sent me a message just saying “thanks for everything”…I don’t think I need to explain the implications

**AkaBabe:** so skip ahead to the next day and he’s fine-ish

**AkaBabe:** still smiling and all that but it was like something in him had just been smashed and he’d come back while the glue was still drying

**Bipolar Sniper:** Did he….

**AkaBabe:** I don’t know, and by the time I felt ready to ask him about it he was already back to normal, I didn’t want to disturb that.

**Asa-No:** …

**Asa-No:** I’m hugging him later

**AkaBabe:** you’re damn well right you are

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Dadrasuma] & [Dictator]**

**Dadrasuma:** Do you want me to take you to the faculty lounge or do you want to watch?

**Dictator:** faculty lounge

**Dictator:** the knives’ll just give me ideas

**Dadrasuma:** Understood.

***-* *-* *-***

**[Octodad] created [Temporary Chat]**

**[Octodad] added 2 users to [Temporary Chat]**

**Octodad:** I’m heading over to America for some lunch, would either of you like anything?

**Wine Aunt:** Surprise me.

**Dictator:** no

**Wine Aunt:** Kid you need to eat.

**Dictator:** I feel like I’m going to throw up

**Wine Aunt:** Drink some water at least, please?

**Dictator:** I’ll try

**Octodad:** That’s all we ask.

***-* *-* *-***

**[NPS]**

**Octodad:** _[they_fell_asleep.jpeg]_

**Octodad:** _[protective_mama_bird.jpeg]_

**Manga:** precious

**Mom Friend:** poor baby

**Womanizing Scumbag:** really living up to your name huh?

**Mom Friend:** shut

**Bunny:** is it just me or does Nagisa look cold?

**English Lass:** shit u rite

**Octodad:** _[Nagisa_burrito.jpeg]_

**AkaBabe:** …

**Asa-No:** …

**English Lass:** Karma’s so red right now the hell?

**Baseball Geek:** I’m guessing Asano’s in the same boat then

**English Lass:** okay but can we just appreciate Bitch-Sensei real quick?

**Octodad:** _[mother_son_bonding.mp4]_

**Mistress Kanzaki:** that’s so sweet

**Bunny:** right?

**Bipolar Sniper:** My phone speakers are playing up but is she humming to him?

**Box O’ Moe:** Yes.

**Poison Specs:** humming + head stroking + general cuddling

**English Lass:** ikr

**English Lass:** Hiromi who? Nagisa only has one mom

**Mom Friend:** ahem

**English Lass:** *2 moms

***-* *-* *-***

**[STTH]**

**Dictator:** you guys didn’t have to do this

**Asa-No:** We’re doing it regardless.

**AkaBabe:** yeah, not letting our boyf go until we’ve hugged out all the sadness

**Dictator:** waihfw;g a

**AkaBabe:** aww, are you blushing

**Dictator:** _Karma_

**AkaBabe:** okay, I get it

**Asa-No:** He was right about one thing, we’re not letting you go.

**Dictator:** …

**Dictator:** thanks you guys

**Asa-No:** Think nothing of it.

**Dictator:** <3

**AkaBabe:** <3

**Asa-No:** …

**Asa-No:** <3

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Dictator:** Thanks everyone, yesterday really meant a lot

**President Poverty:** How are you feeling?

**Dictator:** still not 100% but I’m not feeling “hollow” anymore

**Mistress Kanzaki:** Let us know if you need anything.

**Dictator:** I will, thank you

**[Manga] changed [Dictator] to [Smol Bean]**

**Smol Bean:** huh?

**Manga:** you are to be protected at all costs

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Smol Bean] & [Wine Aunt]**

**Smol Bean:** hey Sensei? Can we talk?

**Wine Aunt:** Here or in person?

**Smol Bean:** in person pls

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Octodad] & [Dadrasuma]**

**Octodad:** Why is our dear colleague crying?

**Dadrasuma:** Nagisa just asked her if he can call her “Mom”

**Octodad:** *gasp*

**Octodad:** how adorable!


	14. Vines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t even know what’s going on this chapter. Also I’m planning on adding Nagisa’s father in one of the next few chapters and since we never really find out what he’s actually called I’m letting you guys decide.

**[3-mEme]**

**Director Mushroom:** hey guys, which vine are you?

**AkaBabe:** “This is why mom doesn’t fucking love you.”

**Mistress Kanzaki:** Is everything okay?

**AkaBabe:** Nagisa, care to explain?

**Smol Bean:** He once tried to prank his parents by changing their alarm settings

**Smol Bean:** that didn’t work so he loaded up an earrape version of a gun sync instead

**English Lass:** pfft

**Smol Bean:** it was kind of funny

**AkaBabe:** It was fucking iconic is what it is

**President Poverty:** “I don’t have enough money for chicken nuggets”

**Mom Friend:** We’re going for chicken nuggets after school, no objections.

**President Poverty:** :)

**End of Perversion:** “If she breathes she’s a thot”

**Womanizing Scumbag:** fuck, you stole mine

**English Lass:** seriously?

**End of Perversion:** just living up to my name

**Womanizing Scumbag:** ^^^

**[Manga] changed [End of Perversion] to [Pervert]**

**Pervert:** yeah that’s fair

**Amazing Ape:** “Parkour”

**Bipolar Sniper:** I’m assuming you’re just talking about the first 2 guys right?

**Amazing Ape:** :)

**Poison Specs:** “In just 30 short minutes I burnt my entire house to the ground”

**Baseball Geek:** I’m sorry, what?

**Poison Specs:** a chemist prodigy (Karma’s words, not mine) I may be but I can’t cook to save my life

**Baseball Geek:** huh, the more you know

**Dignified Didact:** “I dedicate my entire life to our lord and saviour Nagisa Karasuma and this is the thanks I get.”

**Pervert:** further proof that Kataoka is constantly done with our shit

**Smol Bean:** I don’t think that’s how it goes

**AkaBabe:** stfu that’s exactly how it goes

**Asa-No:** I didn’t call you a “god among men” for no reason

**Smol Bean:** ajkshwdkljxg

**Womanizing Scumbag:** simping hours ft. Karma & Asano

**AkaBabe:** shut it womanizer

**Bunny:** “fr e sh a voca do”

**Manga:** iconic

**Mistress Kanzaki:** “I can’t decide, they’re all cute and they’re mine now”

**English Lass: _@everyone_** keep your dogs away from Kanzaki

**English Lass: _@Smol Bean_** that includes your snakes

**Justice:** “Devil car! Devil car!”

**Home Base:** I remember that

**Justice:** I hate you

**Home Base:** no you don’t

**Amazing Ape:**???

**Home Base:** I took him to see my parents’ bike shop

**Home Base:** we we’re walking passed a car and he just shrieks when someone gets out cause he thought it was empty

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** “Talking birds!”

**Bunny:** huh, I thought you liked that kind of thing.

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** oh I do :)

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** the talking Disney animals freaked me out when I was a kid though

**English Lass:** wait what?

**Lanky Artist:** moving on…

**Lanky Artist:** “Whoever threw that paper, your mom’s a hoe.”

**English Lass:** …

**English Lass:** didn’t expect that

**Baseball Geek:** “I thought you said printer”

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:**???

**Baseball Geek:** I used to like throwing stuff as a kid…that became playing baseball so nothing really changed

**Specs(LOL):** “According to the encyclopoeida of…”

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** the kid with the NERF bow

**Womanizing Scumbag:** wait, is that why your eyes are always covered?

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** …

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** yeah

**Bodyguard:** The one where the guy smashes a window with a plant

**AkaBabe:** hey fuck off, that’s my thing

**English Lass:** “This is how I enter my house”

**Smol Bean:** why doesn’t that surprise me?

**English Lass:** aww Nagi

**AkaBabe:** back off my boyfriend

**Asa-No:** *Our boyfriend

**English Lass:** I’ll have you know Nagisa is my platonic husband

**Smol Bean:** I’m your what?

**English Lass:** moving on…

**Darkness of 3-E:** “Chicken nuggets”

**Bodyguard:** of course you were _that_ kid

**Darkness of 3-E:** hey Nagisa want to help me commit murder?

**Smol Bean:** nah I’m good

**Bodyguard:** thank fuck for that

**Bipolar Sniper:** “This bitch empty YEET”

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** that’s my girl

**Mom Friend:** “Bethany I made BISCUITS”

**Smol Bean:** biscuits?

**Mom Friend:** I have some cookies, want one?

**Smol Bean:** yes pls

**Smol Bean:** …

**Smol Bean:** this is a whole pack

**Mom Friend:** You’re welcome

**Manga:** “I have the power of Nagisa and anime on my side.”

**Smol Bean:** why is everyone comparing me to God?

**Manga:** you are God

**Octodad:** …

**Manga:** tell me I’m wrong

**Octodad:** …

**Octodad:** yeah, can’t argue with that

**Smol Bean:** alsdgkwnlzkgjkssd

**Womanizing Scumbag:** “I’m still a piece of garbage”

**Darkness of 3-E:** at least you admit it

**Pervert:** just @ me next time

**Darkness of 3-E: _@Smol Bean_**

****

**Smol Bean:** :)

**Pervert:** NO WAIT I’M SORRY

**Director Mushroom:** to answer my own question…

**Director Mushroom:** How horror movies should end

**Darkness of 3-E:** ha, wimp

**Loofah:** Vine cooking show

**Scrunchies:** “I thought you were American”

**Scrunchies:** don’t ask why

**Home Base:** the guy who stops a car with an airhorn

**English Lass: _@Box O’ Moe @Ibrona_**

****

**Box O’ Moe:** Every vine featuring an Alexa or Echo, I can’t decide which one

**Manga:** valid

**Ibrona:** “Do you wanna fight”

**Bodyguard:** that’s my best friend

**Ibrona:** eh, you’re alright I guess

**Bodyguard:** …

**Bodyguard:** now listen here you little shit

**English Lass: _@Asa-No_**

****

**AkaBabe:** let’s share secrets about each other

**Asa-No:** I’ll go first

**Asa-No:** I hate you

**Director Mushroom:** bonus points for acting it out

**English Lass: _@Octodad @Wine Aunt @Dadrasuma_**

****

**Octodad:** “Helium balloons”

**Wine Aunt:** “Lipstick in my Valentino white bag”

**Dadrasuma:** Is this really necessary?

**Smol Bean:** pls Dad

**Dadrasuma:** …

**Dadrasuma:** “Road work ahead”

**Wine Aunt: _@Cool Cousin @Gay Cousin @Weird Cousin_**

****

**Cool Cousin:** “2 shots of vodka”

**Gay Cousin:** “Juan Cena” except I’m the big guy

**Weird Cousin:** literally any involving a gun

**English Lass: _@Nigerian Uncle @Smol Bean_**

****

**Nigerian Uncle:** “I want to see my little boy”

**English Lass:** pfft

**English Lass:** please say you mean Nagisa

**Nigerian Uncle:** Yes

**Smol Bean:** Karma?

**AkaBabe:** I got you

**AkaBabe:** _[guitar.mp4]_

**Smol Bean:** _Hey how you doing, I’m fine, I lied, I’m dying inside_

**Dadrasuma:** …

**Dadrasuma:** You’re getting extra therapy.

**Smol Bean:** that’s fair


	15. Class Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I’m not intentionally making all of these Nagisa-centric but that’s what keeps happening. Literal transcript of me coming up with any chapter for anything AC related:
> 
> Me: okay, we need new ideas.  
> My Brain: snek boi needs hugs.  
> Me: yes, snek boi needs hugs, but I already had 50+ story ideas revolving around snek boi needing hugs.  
> My Brain: snek boi needs more hugs.  
> Me: …  
> My Brain: snek.  
> Me: …  
> My Brain: s n e k.  
> Me: fine, snek boi needs hugs.

**[Bipolar Sniper] created [Emperor’s Guard]**

**[Bipolar Sniper] added 2 users to [Emperor’s Guard]**

**Smol Bean:** Hayami?

**Bipolar Sniper:** We need your help with something

**Smol Bean:** I’ll be right there

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**English Lass:** so, I leave the building after talking to Bitch-Sensei and what’s the firts thing I see?

**English Lass:** _[sniper_squad.jpeg]_

**Asa-No:** Are they teaching him to shoot?

**Manga:** oh you sweet summer child

**Asa-No:** I don’t understand.

**Pervert:** HEY WHO JUST SHOT ME

**Womanizing Scumbag:** you too?

**Asa-No:** I see now.

**Octodad:** oh, so that’s what you three were up too

**Womanizing Scumbag:** wait what?

**Pervert:** Nagisa whyyyyyy

**Smol Bean:** >:3

**Bipolar Sniper:** >:3

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** >:3

**Wine Aunt:** that’s my son

**Dadrasuma:** *Our son.

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** _[you_broke_him.jpeg]_

***-* *-* *-***

**[Manga] created [Demon Summoning Club]**

**[Manga] added 4 users to [Demon Summoning Club]**

**Smol Bean:** I alreay escaped one demon I don’t need to summon another one

**Manga:** keysmash

**Manga:** why is that the first thing that gets said here?

**Smol Bean:** …

**Smol Bean:** did you seriously type ‘keysmash’?

**Manga:** I was feeling lazy

**AkaBabe:** finally, a chat where I belong

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** Can demons summon demons?

**Darkness of 3-E:** We’re about to find out.

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Baseball Geek:** why are people chanting ominously next door?

**English Lass:** why don’t you go ask them?

**Baseball Geek:** …

**Baseball Geek:** you want me to risk being kidnapped by a potential murder cult?

**English Lass:** yes

**Baseball Geek:** how are we friends again?

**English Lass:** Nagisa

**Baseball Geek:** fine, I’ll go check

**English Lass:** you’ll proably be fine

**Baseball Geek:** I’m not even going to comment on that

**Baseball Geek:** …

**Baseball Geek:** I would like to correct my previous question

**English Lass:** oh this’ll be good

**Baseball Geek:** why is _Nagisa_ chanting ominsously next door?

**Bunny:** I’m sorry, Nagisa’s what?

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Darkness of 3-E:** I hear dead people.

**Smol Bean:** oh same

**Pervert:** it is 1 in the morning can you not????

**Octodad:** Why are you all awake?

**Darkness of 3-E:** what is sleep?

**Smol Bean:** Insomnia + nightmares = no sleep

**Octodad:** …

**Smol Bean:** no wai

**Pervert:** errr, Nagisa?

**Wine Aunt:** would anyone care to explain why the octopus is in our house?

**Pervert:** have you tried asking him

**Wine Aunt:** …

**Wine Aunt:** _[explain_yourself.jpeg]_

**Octodad:** I was merely helping our beloved student go to sleep.

**Wine Aunt:** hmm

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Wine Aunt] & [Octodad]**

**Wine Aunt:** How did you do it?

**Octodad:** hmm?

**Wine Aunt:** We all know the kid doesn’t sleep enough, how did you do it?

**Octodad:** contact & a soothing presence

**Wine Aunt:** Thank you.

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Amazing Ape: _@Darkness of 3-E @Smol Bean_** are you two okay?

**Darkness of 3-E:** are any of us truly okay?

**Smol Bean:** my mental state is a roulette wheel, I literally never know

**AkaBabe:** sometimes I forget how blunt you are when you’ve just woke up

**Bunny:** …

**Bunny:** it’s the middle of the day?

**AkaBabe:** did I stutter?

**Mom Friend:** Did you manage to get any sleep last night?

**Smol Bean:** probably about an hour or 2???

**Smol Bean:** not really sure

**Womanizing Scumbag:** how tf do you function during the day?

**Smol Bean:** ah, that’s my secret

**Smol Bean:** …I don’t

**Asa-No:** …

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Asa-No] & [Smol Bean]**

**Asa-No:** Have you ever seen anyone about your insomnia?

**Smol Bean:** no

**Asa-No:** Can I ask why not or is that personal?

**Smol Bean:** nah it’s fine

**Smol Bean:** it kinda started as a defence mechanism

**Smol Bean:** she couldn’t do anything if I just…didn’t sleep

**Smol Bean:** well she could but you get the idea

**Smol Bean:** that kind of turned into just doing what I wanted for a few hours when I should’ve been sleeping because it was really rare for her to come into my room that late

**Asa-No:** But she did?

**Smol Bean:** a few times yeah

**Smol Bean:** she didn’t hit me during those particular times if that’s what youre thinking

**Asa-No:** I hate your….

**Asa-No:** I don’t want to refer to her as your mom but I don’t know what else to call her.

**Smol Bean:** some of the others are referring to her as “Satan”

**Smol Bean:** but Karma says that’s an insult to Satan

**Asa-No:** I can’t say I disagree with him but don’t tell him I said that.

**Smol Bean:** I won’t :)

**Smol Bean:** things’ve got better since Karasuma adopted me but I still get nightmares

**Smol Bean:** I haven’t really seen anyone about it since it doesn’t happen as often, I will if it gets worse though

**Asa-No:** Understood.

**Asa-No:** Would you like a hug?

**Smol Bean:** please

***-* *-* *-***

**[Big Five]**

**Ren:** _[good_boyfs.jpeg]_

**Asa-No:** …

**Asa-No:** You’re lucky you are my best friend.

**Seo:** huh, so you get a boyfriend and all of a sudden you’re calling us friends instead of colleagues?

**Asa-No:** Is there a problem with that?

**Seo:** no

**Seo:** I just have to go thank Karasuma or whatever he’s calling himself now

**Ren:** Hey Asano, how do you get a gf/bf?

**[Asa-No] has gone offline**

**Ren:** rude

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Baseball Geek:** hey Nagisa, you free after school?

**Smol Bean:** no, sorry

**Wine Aunt:** I’m taking him to get a haircut

**Baseball Geek:** oh ok, tomorrow then?

**Smol Bean:** yeah

**Baseball Geek:** great :)

**Smol Bean:** :)

**English Lass:** wait, what kind of hair cut are you getting?

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Smol Bean] & [English Lass]**

**Smol Bean:** _[undercut.jpeg]_

**English Lass:** badass

**Smol Bean:** :)

**English Lass:** can I show the other girls?

**Smol Bean:** sure

***-* *-* *-***

**[Girls + 1 snek boi]**

**English Lass:** _[nagisa_mk_2.jpeg]_

**Bunny:** …

**Bunny:** why are all the hot ones gay or taken?

**Smol Bean:** ;iajhfjkshfa

**Manga:** mood

**Bipolar Sniper:** oh so that’s why Karma & Asano are broken

**Smol Bean:**???

**Bipolar Sniper:** _[please_restart_your_boyfriends_at_the_earliest_convenience.jpeg]_

**Darkness of 3-E:** why is that file name so long?

**English Lass:** hey Nagisa, go smile at them

**Smol Bean:** okay???

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [AkaBabe] & [English Lass]**

**AkaBabe:** _[why_is_he_so_cute.jpeg]_

**AkaBabe:** shfa;iajhfjk

**English Lass:** ah, gay panic

**AkaBabe:** is it really a gay panic if we’re already together?

**English Lass:** yes, yes it is

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Asa-No] & [Ren]**

**Asa-No:** _[nagisa_undercut.jpeg]_

**Asa-No:** Help me.

**Ren:** damn, if I wasn’t straight I’d be all over that

**Asa-No:** Thanks for nothing.

**Ren:** yw

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Dating Sim Protagonist] & [Bipolar Sniper]**

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** Help!!!

**Bipolar Sniper:** you like him don’t you

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** yse

**Bipolar Sniper:** but you’re worried because we’re dating

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** also yes

**Bipolar Sniper:** I think I have a solution

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messagine [Bipolar Sniper] & [Smol Bean]**

**Bipolar Sniper:** can we talk later?

**Smol Bean:** I have to go talk to Korosensei first but yeah

**Bipolar Sniper:** cool

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Smol Bean:** end me

**Wine Aunt:** What country did he give you now?

**Smol Bean:** …

**Smol Bean:** Japan

**Pervert:** …

**Womanizing Scumbag:** huh

**English Lass:** I guess Nagisa really is our leader now

**Smol Bean:** why is this my life???

**Ibrona:** mood

***-* *-* *-***

**[STTH]**

**[AkaBabe] added 2 users to [STTH]**

**AkaBabe:** welcome boyfriend number 3 & platonic life partner 2

**Asa-No:** Greetings.

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** hi

**Bipolar Sniper:** hello

**Smol Bean:** seriously what even is my life?

**AkaBabe:** love you too babe

**Smol Bean:** …

**Smol Bean:** <3

**AkaBabe:** <3

**Asa-No:** <3

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** <3

**Bipolar Sniper:** well, I guess it’s clear you’re not the protagonist anymore

**Dating Sim Protagonist:** what?

**[Bipolar Sniper] changed [Dating Sim Protagonist] to [Emo Sniper]**

**Emo Sniper:** …

**Emo Sniper:** yeah, can’t argue that


	16. Snakes & World Domination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr is a great place. Nagisa’s empire expands and what’s going on with the snakes?

**[3-mEme]**

**Smol Bean:** you know what?

**Smol Bean:** I give up

**Smol Bean:** my life doesn’t make any sense

**Mom Friend:** oh dear

**English Lass:** did he give you another country?

**Smol Bean:** yes, but that’s not the worst part

**AkaBabe:** oh this I have to hear

**Smol Bean:** apparently 3 other countries decided to just give themselves to me

**Bodyguard:** what kind of anime bullshhit is this?!

**Manga:** did someone say anime?

**Manga:** nevermind I just read up

**Asa-No:** I dread to ask…

**Asa-No:** Which countries do you own now?

**Smol Bean:** Thailand, Austria, Russia somehow & Indonesia

**Asa-No:** Russia?

**Asa-No:** How did you manage Russia?

**Smol Bean:** I don’t know, I don’t think I want to know

**Baseball Geek:** Isn’t Russia, you know, a global superpower?

**Asa-No:** Yes, yes it is.

**Smol Bean:** you know what?

**Smol Bean: _@AkaBabe @Asa-No @Emo Sniper_**

****

**Smol Bean:** I need a break, which country do you want to go to?

**Ibrona:** the fact that you can just casually ask that….

**AkaBabe:** which country did you get first again?

**Smol Bean:** China

**AkaBabe:** China sounds good

**Asa-No:** As much as I hate to agree with him, I do like the idea of going to China.

**Emo Sniper:** does my vote even matter at this point?

**Smol Bean:** ofc it does

**English Lass:** huh, you know it’s serious when he almost swears

**AkaBabe:** you’re part of this mad-house

**Emo Sniper:** I like the sound of Thailand myself but I wouldn’t mind going to China.

**AkaBabe:** Hey, what about your platonic wives?

**Smol Bean:** right

**Smol Bean: _@English Lass @Bipolar Sniper_** how does a trip to China sound?

**English Lass:** I’ll go pack my bags

**Bipolar Sniper:** same

**Wine Aunt:** Damn, get me a man like that.

**Smol Bean: _@Dadrasuma_**

****

**Dadrasuma:** …

**Wine Aunt:** you’re lucky I like you kid

**AkaBabe:** nah it’s not luck

**AkaBabe:** everyone likes him

**Smol Bean:** not everyone likes me

**AkaBabe:** who?

**Smol Bean:** what?

**AkaBabe:** who doesn’t like you? I need names Nagisa.

**Asa-No:** You’re being ridiculous.

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Asa-No] & [AkaBabe]**

**Asa-No:** Send that list to me.

**AkaBabe:** will do

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Justice:** I like how none of our teachers are trying to stop this.

**Wine Aunt:** eh, kid could use a break

**Octodad:** Who am I to prevent a valuable learning opportunity?

**Wine Aunt:** it’s your fault this is happening in the first place.

**Dadrasuma:** He legally owns all of those countries, including this one, I doubt any of us could.

**Manga:** you know someone’s truly powerful when even Karasuma can’t stop them

**Asa-No:** Your class is insane.

**AkaBabe:** says the one who didn’t even hesitate before agreeing to go to China

**Asa-No:** I feel that you occasionally need reminding, and that is my business not yours.

**Bipolar Sniper:** Wait, are we bringing the snakes with us?

**Smol Bean:** unfortunately no, they don’t like traveling

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** …

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** how do you know that?

**Manga:** Nagisa’s a snake whisperer confirmed? (0_0)

**Smol Bean:** mayhaps

**Manga:** wait what?

**Smol Bean:** :)

**Manga:** Mom, Nagisa’s being terrifying again

**Smol Bean:** :)

**Mom Friend:** I see nothing wrong

**Manga:** The betrayal!

**Smol Bean:** >:3

***-* *-* *-***

**[STTH]**

**[AkaBabe] added 1 user to [STTH]**

**English Lass:** ah, the infamous Nagisa Harem groupchat

**Smol Bean:** the what?

**AkaBabe:** that’s a good point actually

**[AkaBabe] changed [STTH] to [Nagisa Harem]**

**Smol Bean:** what?

**Asa-No:** …

**Asa-No:** I can’t even argue that.

**AkaBabe:** we know

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Smol Bean] & [Fluffy Stag Beetle]**

**Smol Bean:** Are you sure you don’t mind watching the snakes?

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** I’m sure, besides Hazama said she’d help.

**Smol Bean:** Thank you.

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** you don’t have to thank me, now go enjoy your honeymoon.

**Smol Bean:** agafsjdka

**Smol Bean:** It’s not a honeymoon

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** sure it isn’t

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Bunny:** is it just me or do the snakes seem sad to you?

**Baseball Geek:** now that you mention it…

**Mom Friend:** Nagisa won’t be back for a few days, are you really surprised?

**Bunny:** when you put it that way…

**Baseball Geek:** no

***-* *-* *-***

**[Nagisa Harem]**

**English Lass:** okay, I know we already knew that Nagisa owned China but this is crazy

**AkaBabe:** what? can’t handle the attention?

**Bipolar Sniper:** you have to admit, being stopped every five minutes because someone wants to speak to him isn’t what we expected.

**Smol Bean:** sorry about that

**Emo Sniper:** don’t apologise

**English Lass:** yeah, the people clearly like you

**AkaBabe:** can we just acknowledge that at least 3 people referred to him as God

**Smol Bean:** didn’t you guys do that a few chapters ago?

**Bipolar Sniper:** you’ve been spending too much time with Fuwa

**AkaBabe:** yeah but we were mostly joking, they looked like they meant it.

**Asa-No:** I imagine we should probably stop questioning these things.

**AkaBabe:** jr’s right for once

**Asa-No:** Will you ever stop calling me that?

**AkaBabe:** no

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** Nagisa only had five snakes before he left for China right?

**Darkness of 3-E:** yeah

**Bunny:** why do you ask?

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** you know that tree that he sometimes eats his lunch under? The one his snakes like?

**Bunny:** yeah?

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** _[where_did_they_come_from.jpeg]_

**Baseball Geek:** that’s a lot of snakes

**Pervert:** wait I know those snakes

**Poison Specs:** you do?

**Pervert:** those are the snakes that attack me on the way to assembly

**Womanizing Scumbag:** how does Nagisa keep getting scarier when he’s not even here?

**Pervert:** I DON’T KNOW

**Manga:** rip

**Mistress Kanzaki:** F

***-* *-* *-***

**Private Messaging [Smol Bean] & [Fluffy Stag Beetle]**

**Smol Bean:** we’re back

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** how was it?

**Smol Bean:** surprisingly fun

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** that’s great!

**Smol Bean:** yeah, I hope the snakes weren’t too much trouble

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** um, about that…

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Pervert:** oh come on

**Bunny:**???

**Manga:** _[look_at_all_those_chickens.jpeg]_

**Womanizing Scumbag:** no one should look that cute when they have that many snakes wrapped around them

**Bunny:** how many are there?

**Manga:** at this point I don’t think even Nagisa knows

**Asa-No:** Are you in class?

**AkaBabe:** we all are

**Asa-No:** Your teacher is alright with this? I doubt all of them are therapy animals.

**Darkness of 3-E:** now that you mention it…

**Darkness of 3-E: _@Dadrasuma_**

****

**Dadrasuma:** …

**Dadrasuma:** I’ll get the paperwork

**Bunny:** aww, they’re nuzzling him

**AkaBabe:** that’s our boyfriend everyone

**English Lass:** that’s our platonic husband everyone


	17. Anime-ception

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As some of you probably already know, I’m writing a crossover fic between Assassination Classroom & My Hero Academia so why not do a chapter of 3-E comparing themselves to 1-A?

**[3-mEme]**

**Manga:** You’ve all watched MHA right?

**Cool Cousin:** MHA?

**Manga:** My Hero Academia

**Pervert:** I mean, you practically forced us all to watch it a s “team building”

**Asa-No:** Why exactly was I dragged to that? I’m not even in your class.

**Manga:** youre dating our snek

**Manga:** you’re practically on the Christmas card

**Asa-No:** I’m on the what?

**Manga:** moving on

**Manga: _@Smol Bean @Specs(LOL)_** Anime Association Assemble!

**Smol Bean:** yes?

**Specs(LOL):** You called?

**Bodyguard:** wait a fuckin minute

**Bodyguard:** there’s an Anime Association and you didn’t invite me?!?

**Manga:** no longer denying your obsession I see

**Bodyguard:** …

**Ibrona:** Nagisa showed him an anime about some guy with a gun for a head.

**Baseball Geek:** I’m sorry, there’s an anime about a _what?_

**Manga:** Oh!!

**Manga:** No Guns Life?

**Ibrona:** yeah, that’s the one

**AkaBabe:** “I got a face that triggers people.” Yeah, definitely up Terasaka’s alley

**Bodyguard:** WATCH IT AKABANE

**Manga:** anyway, back on topic

**Manga:** Nagisa, Takebayashi, which character do you think everyone would be?

**Smol Bean:** are we just using 1-A?

**Manga:** yeah

**Specs(LOL):** hmm, that only gives us 20 characters to work with.

**Manga:** I know

**Manga:** I’ll say a character, you two try and figure out who they would be.

**Smol Bean:** sure, sounds fun

**Specs(LOL):** I have no objections.

**Manga:** Aoyama

**Specs(LOL):** Starting with a tricky one I see.

**Manga:** when don’t I?

**Smol Bean:** you’re Aoyama

**Manga:** oh?

**Smol Bean:** there are a few scenes where he looks at the camera & you make 4th wall jokes a lot

**Manga:** I’m only doing what the author tells me to do

**Smol Bean:** see? Like that, there is no author

**Manga:** that’s what you think

**Manga:** Ashido

**Smol Bean:** Nakamura

**English Lass:** wow, 0 hesitation huh?

**Smol Bean:** do you want to see the list?

**English Lass:** damn, I like sassy Nagisa

**English Lass:** can he stick around?

**Manga:** moving on

**Manga:** Asui

**Specs(LOL):** I would have to say Okano.

**Amazing Ape:** really?

**Smol Bean:** I mean, you are both really good at climbing & parkour

**Amazing Ape:** huh, I guess

**Manga:** Iida

**Specs(LOL):** I’m inclined to say Isogai.

**Smol Bean:** I think you’re the better fit here, no offence Isogai.

**President Poverty:** none taken, I can’t say I disagree.

**Bunny:** he does hae the anime glasses.

**Manga:** ^^^

**Manga:** Uraraka

**Smol Bean:** Kayano

**Manga:** Kayano?

**Smol Bean:** yes, moving on

**Manga:** Ojiro

**Smol Bean:** I’m thinking Kimura but I’m not sure why

**Specs(LOL):** I can’t think of anyone else either.

**Manga:** Kaminari

**Specs(LOL):** Maehara

**Womanizing Scumbag:** oh come on! Really?

**Smol Bean:** …

**Amazing Ape:** …

**Poison Specs:** …

**Dignified Didact:** …

**Bunny:** …

**Mistress Kanzaki:** …

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** …

**English Lass:** …

**Darkness of 3-E:** …

**Bipolar Sniper:** …

**Mom Friend:** …

**Manga:** …

**Scrunchies:** …

**Box O’ Moe:** …

**Baseball Geek:** huh, you know it’s true when even Ritsu comments

**Womanizing Scumbag:** ok I get it

**Manga:** Kirishima

**Smol Bean:** Sugino

**Baseball Geek:** bro?

**Smol Bean:** bro

**Ibrona:** …

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Ibrona] & [Smol Bean]**

**Ibrona:** is it ok to use your old surname for a few minutes?

**Ibrona:** I’ll change it back after

**Smol Bean:** sure I guess

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**[Ibrona] changed [Baseball Geek] to [Sugibro]**

**[Ibrona] changed [Smol Bean] to [Shibrota]**

**Sugibro:** bro?

**Shibrota:** bro

**Ibrona:** *nods*

**Ibrona:** bro

**Manga:** the bro-trio is complete

**[Ibrona] changed [Shibrota] to [Snek]**

**[Ibrona] changed [Sugibro] to [Ball]**

**[Ibrona] changed [Ibrona] to [Noodle]**

**Noodle:** done

**Ball:** just “Ball” really?

**Noodle:** yes

**Manga:** moving on

**Manga:** Koda

**Snek:** Kurahashi

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** YES!!!

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** Koda is best boi

**English Lass:** no, Nagisa is best boi

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** shoot, u rite

**Snek:** JADHSGASGFAK

**Snek:** I’m not even in this show????

**English Lass:** irrelevant

**Manga:** Sato

**Specs(LOL):** Terasaka maybe?

**Snek:** I was thinking more Hara

**Mom Friend:** I wish I could do that after eating sugar

**Bunny:** don’t we all?

**Manga:** I don’t know, you’re sugar highs are really something else

**Bunny:** I’M NOT THAT BAD

**Mom Friend:** …

**Manga:** …

**Manga:** anyway

**Manga:** Shoji

**Snek:** as much as I’d like to say Terasaka, I think Yoshida fits better

**Home Base:** huh, really?

**Snek:** you do the quiet tough guy really well

**Home Base:** …

**Director Mushroom:** _[he_broke.jpeg]_

**Director Mushroom:** damn, never thought I’d see the day

**Manga:** Jiro

**Specs(LOL):** hmm

**Snek:** Hayami

**Emo Sniper:** she does have the punk-rocker leather jacket

**Manga:** this I have to see

**Bipolar Sniper:** Chiba no

**Snek:** Chiba no

**Emo Sniper:** Chiba yes

**Emo Sniper:** _[punk_duo.jpeg]_

**AkaBabe:** damn, looking good babe

**Bunny:** and you broke Nagisa again

**English Lass:** so that’s what you and Nagisa do when you hang out

**Bipolar Sniper:** yeah, we vibe sometimes

**Bipolar Sniper:** Chiba does too but I can never get a pic of him

**Emo Sniper:** >:3

**Snek:** _[missing_punk.jpeg]_

**Emo Sniper:** Nagisa why???

**Home Base:** what do you even listen to?

**Bipolar Sniper:** _[vibe_playlist.mp3]_

**Home Base:** …

**Home Base:** this is just an hour long loop of some guy screaming

**Home Base:** no music, just screaming

**Bipolar Sniper:** yes

**Snek:** yes

**Darkness of 3-E:** saving that real quick

**Home Base:** damn you guys need help

**Manga:** Sero

**Snek:** Sugaya

**Lanky Artist:** THAT WAS ONE TIME

**Manga:**???

**English Lass:** oh I remember that

**English Lass:** he ended up duct taping his arm to a table while he was making something

**English Lass:** we still don’t know how he did it

**Lanky Artist:** neither do i

**Manga:** Tokoyami

**Snek:** Hazama

**Darkness of 3-E:** …

**Darkness of 3-E:** What a mad banquet of darkness.

**English Lass:** pfft

**English Lass:** she actually said it

**Manga:** Todoroki

**Specs(LOL):** Karma?

**AkaBabe:** hell yeah

**Snek:** he’s too sadistic to be Todoroki

**AkaBabe:** …

**AkaBabe:** yeah that’s fair

**Specs(LOL):** Itona then

**Noodle:** :)

**Manga:** Hagakure

**Snek:** Kanzaki

**Mistress Kanzaki:** oh?

**Snek:** you are one of our disguise experts

**Mistress Kanzaki:** I’m assuming the others are Sugaya & Kayano

**Snek:** yeah, but we already picked them

**Lanky Artist:** :)

**Bunny:** :)

**Manga:** rat-bitch

**Specs(LOL):** Okajima

**Snek:** Okajima

**Pervert:** damn I get it

**Womanizing Scumbag:** …

**Womanizing Scumbag:** I would like to take back my earlier comments

**Womanizing Scumbag:** thanks for giving me the cool pervert

**Pervert:** damn it

**Manga:** Yaoyorozu

**Snek:** Kataoka

**Specs(LOL):** Kataoka

**Dignified Didact:** is this what being blessed feels like?

**Asa-No:** yes

**AkaBabe:** yes

**Emo Sniper:** yes

**Bipolar Sniper:** yes

**English Lass:** yes

**Manga:** Bakugo

**Snek:** Karma

**AkaBabe:** huh, that’s actually fair

**Manga:** and finally…

**Manga:** Midoriya

**Specs(LOL):** Nagisa

**Snek:** really?

**Manga:** you’re both the note-takers of the group

**Specs(LOL):** you both get really passionate about the things you’re interested in/good at

**Manga:** sunshine smile

**Manga:** and you’re practically the main character anyway

**Bunny:** we broke Nagisa again

**English Lass:** wait does that mean Karma & Nagisa are going to fight at some point?

**Ball:** I can’t imagine Karma wanting to hurt him though

**Poison Specs:** besides, Nagisa wouldn’t hurt his friends

**Manga:** that’s what you think

**Snek:** what?

**AkaBabe:** what?

**Manga:** don’t worry about it.


	18. Insomnia Squad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More group chats because why the hell not?
> 
> Also, I know Among Us was released in 2018, not 2015 but since when has realism ever mattered in fanfiction?

**[Insomnia Squad]**

**Manga:** Insomnia Squad, sound off.

**Darkness of 3-E:** here

**Snek:** here

**Asa-No:** Remind me again why I’m here?

**AkaBabe:** because you’re one of us now

**Manga:** guys, please, we’re still missing a few

**Mistress Kanzaki:** here

**Noodle:** here

**Bunny:** here

**Manga:** right, that’s everyone

**Manga:** now, why are we all awake this time?

**Darkness of 3-E:** you know the rules, you were the first to sign on

**Manga:** right!

**Manga:** found a new anime so I’m pulling an all-nighter

**Snek:** I’ll bring you some coffee tomorrow

**Manga:** Nagisa you’re a godsend

**Snek:** it’s just coffee???

**Manga:** it is my lifeblood good sir

**Manga:** Hazama, your turn

**Darkness of 3-E:** had another screaming match with my mom

**Snek:** I can offer snakes & a cuddle session

**Darkness of 3-E:** I get to hang out with the cult?

**Snek:** sure, they like you

**Darkness of 3-E:** hell yeah

**Darkness of 3-E:** your turn Nagisa

**Snek:** nightmares

**AkaBabe:** I thought they were getting better

**Snek:** they are, but they’re not completely gone yet

**Manga:** we only have these meetings once a week and your sleep schedule is the worst out of all of us…how much sleep have you actually had???

**Snek:** 5

**Mistress Kanzaki:** days?

**Snek:** hours

**Asa-No:** …

**Asa-No:** Babe, I mean this in the nicest way possible…you need help.

**Snek:** xvnbnv

**AkaBabe:** while we wait for Nagisa to reboot, it’s your turn jr

**Asa-No:** If you must know I was studying.

**Darkness of 3-E:** tf were you studying at 3AM?

**Asa-No:** Classified.

**AkaBabe:** whatever you say jr

**Asa-No:** Stop calling me that.

**AkaBabe:** never

**Manga:** your turn Karma

**AkaBabe:** I was planning a few pranks

**Snek:** …

**AkaBabe:** it’s nothing illegal, don’t worry

**Snek:** that is only mildy comforting

**AkaBabe:** :)

**Snek:** …

**AkaBabe:** fine

**Snek:** thank you

**Mistress Kanzaki:** I got addicted to another mobile game.

**Manga:** which one?

**Mistress Kanzaki:** Among Us

**Manga:** red sus

**Snek:** red is always sus

**AkaBabe:** …

**Snek:** are we wrong?

**AkaBabe:** …

**AkaBabe:** no

**Manga:** have you played impostor yet?

**Mistress Kanzaki:** yes

**Manga:** nice, some people hardly ever play imposter

**Manga:** and then there’s the ones who always seem to get it

**Mistress Kanzaki:** yeah, I was in a room with this person who seemed to be the imposter every round

**Mistress Kanzaki:** And they kept winning

**Manga:** HOW????

**Mistress Kanzaki:** they were surprisingly trustworthy

**Snek:** …

**Snek:** Pro Gamer?

**Mistress Kanzaki:** Wait.

**Mistress Kanzaki:** _IT WAS YOU???_

**Manga:** the plot thickens

**Snek:** yeah

**Mistress Kanzaki:** you know “Python” is kind of a legend in the game right?

**Snek:** I’m hardly that good

**Mistress Kanzaki:** Tell that to my win record.

**Snek:** sorry

**Mistress Kanzaki:** no, don’t apologise

**Mistress Kanzaki:** Play a few rounds in the future?

**Snek:** I’d like that.

**Mistress Kanzaki:** I’ll be back in a moment, just letting Sugino know I have a platonic husband now.

**Snek:** sdfgsdfgsdf

**AkaBabe:** damn babe, need to calm down those charms of yours

**Snek:** I don’t even know how this keeps happening???

**Snek:** congrats on you and Sugino btw

**Mistress Kanzaki:** thank you :)

**Noodle:** had an idea for some tech

**Noodle:** took longer to finish that I thought it would

**Manga:** oh, are you going to bed now then?

**Noodle:** yeah

**Snek:** looks like I’m bringing coffee for everyone

**Noodle:** Nagisa I would die for you

**Snek:** asdfasdfa

**Snek:** please don’t

**Noodle:** did y’all hear something

**Snek:** ITONA

**[Noodle] has gone offline**

**Manga:** well that happened

**Manga:** Kayano, your turn

**Bunny:** pudding

**Manga:** of course

***-* *-* *-***

**[Nagisa Harem]**

**[AkaBabe] added 1 user to [Nagisa Harem]**

**AkaBabe:** greetings platonic life partner 3

**Mistress Kanzaki:** hello

**Snek:** can we change the server name at least?

**AkaBabe:** no

**English Lass:** no

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Bipolar Sniper:** is it safe to assume the Insomnia Squad had a meeting last night?

**Manga:** what gave us away?

**Bipolar Sniper:** Nagisa came in with 2 trays of coffee & you’re all crowding around him as though he hung the stars.

**AkaBabe:** I mean…

**English Lass:** I’d believe it

**Manga:** can you not break our coffee supplier

**English Lass:** sorry

**Womanizing Scumbag:** okay but where did Hazama get all those snakes from?

**Darkness of 3-E:** Nagisa

**Darkness of 3-E:** the cult have accepted me as one of their own

**Womanizing Scumbag:** imma just

**[Womanizing Scumbag] changed [Darkness of 3-E] to [Cult Leader]**

**Cult Leader:** I shall allow you to live for now

**Dignified Didact:** Why are Fuwa & Itona chasing Nagisa?

**AkaBabe:** apparently he’s only slept for 5 hours this week.

**Emo Sniper:** …

**Bipolar Sniper:** …

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** and there go the snipers

**Bodyguard:** wait, where did they get tranquilisers?

**Bipolar Sniper:** how is he so fast???

**Justice:** damn, Nagisa’s really coming after my brand huh?

**Emo Sniper:** where did he go?

**Ball:** he has bright blue hair

**Ball:** how the fuck did you lose him?

**English Lass:** well damn, we got the baseball geek to swear

**Manga:** he’s in the bro-squad so it’s to be expected

**Mom Friend:** bro-squad?

**Manga:** yeah

**Manga:** Nagisa, Itona & Sugino

**Noodle:** Fuwa’s an honorary member

**AkaBabe:** time to bring out the big guns

**Bunny:** right

**Bunny: _@Octodad_**

****

**Octodad:** I’ll handle this.

**AkaBabe:** are you kidding, the big guns would’ve been Karasuma

**Bunny:** KARASUMA ISNT HERE

**Emo Sniper:** _[mission_failed.jpeg]_

**Bunny:** wtf

**Octodad:** It seems I won’t handle this

**AkaBabe:** wow, he’s good even when sleep deprived

**Emo Sniper:** keep still!

**Snek:** depends

**Emo Sniper:** on what?

**Snek:** is the bullet real?

**Emo Sniper:** …

**Emo Sniper:** no, why would it be?

**Snek:** damn, might’ve stayed still if it was

**Ball:** OH NO YOU DON’T

**Manga:** Nagisa

**Manga:** How much coffee did you drink before you came to school?

**Snek:** 5 cups

**Asa-No:** Why did you think that was a good idea?

**Snek:** less depresso more espresso

**Ball:** Nagisa, no

**Asa-No:** Understandable, have a nice day.

**English Lass:** pfft, did he just meme?

**AkaBabe:** yes, yes he did

**Ball:** _NOT HELPING_

**Manga:** I mean, you can’t fault that logic

**Bipolar Sniper:** did he just catch that???

**Emo Sniper:** yes, yes he did

**AkaBabe:** huh?

**Ibrona:** Chiba shot the dart a little infront of him and the madman just plucks it out the air

**Manga:** was the coffee the only thing you had?

**Snek:** I may have downed an energy drink or 2, or 7

**Ball:** bro, I, what?

**Snek:** I can see sounds

**Octodad:** …

**Bunny:** Korosensei, please do something.

**English Lass:** _[hiding_spot_number_35.jpeg]_

**Bunny:** NOT THAT

**AkaBabe:** huh, impressive

**Mom Friend:** Nagisa, sweetie, the only other person who can actually control this class

**Snek:** you called?

**Mom Friend:** Answer me honestly, are you okay?

**Snek:** not sure

**Snek:** can’t exactly tell if my hearts still beating

**Snek:** might’ve started hallucinating

**Snek:** there’s…blood

**Snek:** it’s not mine…I think

**Ibrona:** you think

**AkaBabe:** holy shit

**Manga:** damn, need me some of that

**Mom Friend:** No, no you do not.

**Snek:** can’t feel my legs anymore, is that normal?

**Mom Friend:** Sweetie, you need to stop.

**Snek:** can’t stop, won’t stop

**Ball:** Nagisa, please

**Snek:** don’t think I could if I tried

**Bodyguard:** tf was in that coffee????

**Bodyguard:** how are you still alive

**Snek:** sheer willpower

**Snek:** and I can’t hug the boyfs if I’m dead

**AkaBabe:** …

**Asa-No:** …

**Emo Sniper:** …

**English Lass:** _[he_dead.jpeg]_

**English Lass:** Karma just fainted

**Manga:** I’m guessing Asano’s not doing much better

**Bipolar Sniper:** _[well_damn.jpeg]_

**Bipolar Sniper:** Chiba just fell out the tree

**Mom Friend:** Desperate times call for desperate measures.

**Mom Friend: _@President Poverty_**

****

**President Poverty:** On it.


	19. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isogai joins the NH & Nagisa finally talks about his nightmares.
> 
> Damn, I really can’t stop putting my boy through the wringer huh?

**Private messaging [President Poverty] & [Snek]**

**President Poverty:** Are you ready to go back to the others now?

**Snek:** yeah

**Snek:** thanks Isogai

**President Poverty:** Yuma

**Snek:** huh?

**President Poverty:** Call me Yuma.

**Snek:** okay

**Snek:** umm, I still can’t feel my legs.

**President Poverty:** I’ll carry you.

**Snek:** Thank you.

***-* *-* *-***

**[3-mEme]**

**Manga:** _[pure_bois_spotted.jpeg]_

**Womanizing Scumbag:** nice, he did it.

**Snek:** hi

**AkaBabe:** hey Babe, are you done being feral now?

**Snek:** yeah

**Emo Sniper:** that’s a relief

**Snek:** for now

**Emo Sniper:** …

**English Lass:** he slammed his head against the desk real hard there

**Lanky Artist:** left an impressive dent

**Mom Friend:** Nagisa…

**Snek:** yes?

**Mom Friend:** why did you think drinking 5 cups of coffee and 7 energy drinks was a good idea?

**Snek:** …

**Snek:** I don’t want to sleep

**AkaBabe:** your nightmares?

**Snek:** yeah

**Asa-No:** I was under the impression they were getting better.

**Snek:** they are…to an extent

**Mom Friend:** “to an extent”?

**Snek:** can’t have nightmares if I just

**Snek:** don’t sleep

**Ball:** Nagisa, no

**Mom Friend:** Sweetie, this isn’t healthy

**Snek:** I know, I just can’t stop

**President Poverty:** Is there anything we can do?

**Snek:** not really

**Mom Friend:** would talking about your nightmares help?

**Snek:** maybe?

**Snek:** where’s my snakes?

**Cult Leader:** I have them still; do you want me to bring them over?

**Snek:** just 3, I know yolike hanging out with them

**Cult Leader:** they’re your minions, worry about yourself fo r a change would you?

**Snek:** sorry, I’ll try

**Cult Leader:** anpreference?

**Snek:** Popcorn, 47 & Tarantula

**Pervert:** tf are those names?

**Snek:** Popcorn, that’s how I found him. He was just sitting there in a bag of popcorn, no idea how he got in there and at this point I’m scared to ask.

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** so you can talk to them?

**Snek:** mayhaps

**Manga:** so cool

**Snek:** 47, that one rly likes Karma so together they’re AK-47

**Manga:** that totally didn’t come from another fanfics

**Snek:** what?

**Manga:** what?

**Snek:** anyway…

**Cult Leader:** ended up taking one of the snakes home by accident and he bonded with my spider, so Tarantula it was.

**English Lass:** imma just

**English Lass:** _[snek_dad.jpeg]_

**President Poverty:** are you sure you’re okay with telling us?

**Snek:** may as well, the caffeine’s still wearing off so I’m kind of emotionally dead right now

**Mom Friend:** do you need anything before you start?

**Snek:** I have my snakes, I’m good

**Mom Friend:** okay.

**Snek:** so what eactly do you want to know?

**Mom Friend:** whatever you’re comfortable with us knowing.

**Snek:** okay just, don’t interrupt pls

**Octodad:** everyone put your phones down, we can back read

**Snek:** thanks

**Snek:** sometimes it’s about Okinawa

**Snek:** it the helipad again exept the situation changes

**Snek:** sometimes i have to watch him kill everyone

**Snek:** sometimes I’m stuck spectating myself kill him I can’t make myself stop no matter how much I try

**Snek:** the worst is the times where it’s not him up there

**Snek:** it’s her and things are more or less the same except I don’t win

**Snek:** because I never win again st her

**Snek:** the rest are just memories from before E-Class so I can kind of ignore them???

**Snek:** bur hen there are the ones where I have to watch myself trying (and usually succeeding) in killing you guys because my mind just hates me and part of me wonders why yodon;t

**AkaBabe:** since Okinawa…

**Bodyguard:** shit, how much sleep have you actually been getting?

**Snek:** one or two days a week if I’m lucky

**AkaBabe:** I;m going to fucking kill that bastard

**AkaBabe:** don’t even try to fucking stop me

**English Lass:** do you even know where he’s being held?

**AkaBabe:** …

**AkaBabe: _@Box O’ Moe_** where the fuck is that psycho locked up?

**Box O’ Moe:** I’m afraid I can’t tell you without Karasuma’s permission

**AkaBabe:** …

**Box O’ Moe:** thankfully Karasuma isn’t here so I suppose there’s no harm in you finding out _accidentally_

**Manga:** …

**[Manga] changed [Box O’ Moe] to [JARVIS]**

**JARVIS:** :3

**Bunny:** wait, are you really scared of yourself?

**Snek:** kind of?

**Snek:** look, when I found out there was actually something I was good at I was happy

**Snek:** I wasn’t as useless as my mom kept telling me

**Snek:** there’s always been this voice in my head telling me I should just end it cause it’s not like anyone would actually miss me

**Snek:** having you guys kind of made me forget about it actually

**Snek:** then Okinawa happened and

**Snek:** fuck I almost killed someone, someone who’s been in the game far longer than any of us

**Snek:** the voice came back

**Snek:** what if it had been one of you guys? What if I didn’t stop?

**Snek:** so yeah, I’m kind of terrified of that side od me

**Snek:** I don’t have any issues using it during the day but when I’m asleep? Whole other story

**Bunny:** hey Karma!!

**Bunny:** room for one more on your crusade?

**AkaBabe:** fuck yeah

**Mom Friend:** Nagisa, sweetie, you could never hurt us.

**President Poverty:** You’re not a monster Nagisa, you didn’t kill Takaoka when you had the chance so why would you fear hurting us?

**Snek:** Terasaka snapped me out of it, what if it happens again and I don’t?

**Bodyguard:** listen short stack

**Bodyguard:** I didn’t do as much as you’re making out I did

**Bodyguard:** If you really wanted to kill him the shitstain woulda fucking died

**Bodyguard:** sure you were angry, we all were

**Bodyguard:** but even when you were going batshit you were holding back and don’t fucking deny it

**English Lass:** huh, that was surprisingly observant

**Bodyguard:** look, I know I’m not the smartest guy in this class

**Bodyguard:** but I fucking care, got it?

**Snek:** Terasaka…

**Bodyguard:** look, I know I already apologised for the whole grenade thing but

**Bodyguard:** I said some shit that I shouldn’t have

**Bodyguard:** I didn’t know about how you felt at the start, none of us did but that doesn’t exuse shit

**Bodyguard:** I’m sorry

**Bodyguard:** I’m sorry I didn’t consider your insecurities

**Snek:** you didn’t know

**Bodyguard:** I SHOULD’VE FUCKING CONSIDERED IT

**Bodyguard:** e class only meant one thing at the fucking start and I give you a grenade of all things?!?

**Bodyguard:** listen

**Bodyguard:** you’re strong, far stronger than the rest of us that’s for damn sure

**Bodyguard:** you’re not useless alright?

**Bodyguard:** how many times have you had to patch one of us up huh?

**Bodyguard:** those random cups of coffee that show up on our desks whenever one of mentions trouble sleeping? We all know it’s you who leaves them so don’t fucking deny it

**Bodyguard:** hell, you’re always the first to offer to share your lunch if one of us forgets, even back when you weren’t eating enough yourself.

**Bodyguard:** you’re the one keeping track of the squid’s weaknesses, you really think we could’ve done half of that shit without your intel?

**Bodyguard:** would a useless person be able to do all that and still manage a fucking smile?

**Bodyguard:** no, no they would not

**Snek:** you

**Snek:** you really mean all that?

**Bodyguard:** wouldn’t’ve said it if I didn’t

**Bodyguard:** now get your ass over here, I’m taking you and your new boyfriend to get some food and then we’re taking you home to get some fucking sleep for once

**Snek:** but, what about class?

**Octodad:** Your health is more important than a perfect attendance record Nagisa.

**Bodyguard:** I’d still kidnap you if he said no, you’re not getting out of it that easily pint size

**Snek:** fine, you win

**Snek:** are you okay with looking after my snakes **_@Cult Leader @Fluffy Stag Beetle_**

**Cult Leader:** ofc

**Fluffy Stag Beetle:** yeah, we’ve got them

**Pervert:** Nagisa, you sure that’s a good idea?

**Snek:** I don’t see any problems

**Pervert:** the last time you left your snakes with Kurahashi you ended up with what? 25 more or something, idfk

**Snek:** I d o n t s e e a n y p r o b l e m s

**Pervert:** can you reel the gremlin back in? pls, I’m begging

**Snek:** >:3

**Bodyguard:** alright half-pint, you ready?

**Snek:** yes

**President Poverty:** You’re still having problems with your legs aren’t you?

**Snek:** also yes

**Bodyguard:** I’ll carry you

**Manga:** I am living for this big brother Terasaka content

**Bodyguard:** shut the up fuck

***-* *-* *-***

**[NPS]**

**Manga:** okay, Karma & Kayano are already going after Takaoka

**Manga:** who’s going after Satan?

**Cult Leader:** I like how we all collectively agree that his mother’s name is a banned word.

**English Lass:** we need a codename for Takaoka

**Manga:** let’s just use “Redacted” for now

**English Lass:** perfect

**Manga:** so as I was saying

**Manga:** Karma & Kayano are going after Redacted

**Manga:** who wants to go after Satan?

**Noodle:** she hurt my brother, sign me up

**Cult Leader:** the deadbeat mom squad have to stick together, I’m in

**Manga:** k, teams Redacted & Satan have their assignment

**Manga:** I assume Ritsu’s going to be our intel source??

**JARVIS:** of course

**Manga:** everyone else run teacher interference

**Dadrasuma:** You do know we can read this, right?

**Manga:** shit

**Justice:** SCATTER

**Wine Aunt:** I’m so proud.

**Dadrasuma:** Not helping.

***-* *-* *-***

**[Nagisa Harem]**

**[AkaBabe] added 1 user to [Nagisa Harem]**

**AkaBabe:** welcome boyfriend number 4

**President Poverty:** Thank you for including me.

**English Lass:** you do realise this is going to have everyone in our class eventually right?

**AkaBabe:** that’s the beauty of it

**AkaBabe:** he won’t be able to argue the name when that happens

**Asa-No:** Why does that not surprise me?

**AkaBabe:** you know you love me jr

**Asa-No:** Whatever helps you sleep at night.

***-* *-* *-***

**Private messaging [Snek] & [Bodyguard]**

**Snek:** thanks for earlier

**Bodyguard:** shouldn’t you be sleeping?

**Snek:** getting in bed as we speak

**Bodyguard:** good

**Bodyguard:** just, look

**Bodyguard:** if it happens again

**Bodyguard:** fucking talk to someone or some shit before you try killing yourself with caffeine

**Snek:** I will, I promise

**Bodyguard:** good

**Bodyguard:** damn being this mushy is difficult, how the fuck do you do it everyday?

**Snek:** :)


End file.
